My Shadow

Chapter 18

Essa

I could tell Spirit sensed something was wrong. She was right. So why did I lie about the ring? Why didn't I tell her me and Shadow were dating? Why do I keep lying to her? Its because I don't want to talk about it. Its because I don't want to cry. I feel empty without him.

"Well actually it's a promise ring." I said. For the first time today I let myself cry. I fell to the floor and cried and cried.

"Oh babe what's the matter. Talk to me don't shut me out. I'm here for you." She said as she hugged me. It did little comfort. No one can comfort me the way he does. Even when it's him that caused the pain. The stab in my heart.

"Oh, Spirit. I told him I was leaving. I was going to ask him to move in with me. He left before I even got the words out. I'm dating mystery guy also known as Stefan and known to me as Shadow. He was my Shadow. Ever since I first met him. He took away my pain. He took away the hurt. He replaces it all with happiness. That was all that was left was happiness.

"He made the wood objects for me. The butterfly clip, the ring box, and everything else. It was all him. I love him and now now he was gone. He must hate me now." I sobbed. I couldn't stop crying everything that happened today. Everything that he has ever done for me. He saved me from myself without even realizeing it. He was my life and I left him. He's never going to want to talk to me again. Even with a promise ring.

"It's okay. It's okay. He's not going to leave you. He loves you. he bought you a promise ring. No guy just buys a girl a promise ring. No one just buys a promise ring without meaning it. It always means something to them too." She said. She was right. I need to apologize. I'm still mad with him. He didn't even talk to me afterwards. He just left. Although I don't think I could be mad at him. I loved him after all.

'Let me explain please Shadow.' I texted him. Would he even hear me out. We were both stubborn when we were hurt.

"Come on. Put your phone away. He will text you when he's ready. He will always know where to find you." She said. We laid out our sleeping bags. I guess I'll be sleeping in a sleeping bag until I graduate next year. Maybe we really weren't ready to be together yet. Maybe nineteen is still to young to know.

"Spirit, what am I going to do if he decides he doesn't want me anymore. What if he's so mad this will never be fixed. Spirit, I can't lose him." I said frantically crying. I can't lose him he's my rock. I love him. I have to make this right.

Stefan

I forgot about her leaving. I was painfully reminded of it when she announced it today. Then again painfully reminded when she was left. She left most of her stuff. I laid down in her bed. I was such a creep. It smelt just like her. If I closed my eyes I can feel her still here. Although nothing can bridge the gap in my heart. She left and she took my heart with her.

She left without saying goodbye. She left without saying where she was going. She left without a note. She left and took my heart with her. She left me so painfully. I was so angry but more then anything I wanted to beg her to stay. I wanted to beg her to forget about her crazy idea. I want her in my arms where I knew she is safe. Where she was mine.

I could never forgive myself for not hearing her out. I could never forgive myself for letting her go. I could never forgive myself for hurting her. I know she hurts I can feel it. So maybe just maybe it would be easier to let her live her life without me. Hell she wasn't even out of high school yet.

She has a life ahead of her and I can't stop her. I love her. If she loves me she'll come back. She never had to leave in the first place. This was our home. This is where we lived.

'Let me explain please Shadow.' She texted me. I should I really should but what would I do if it just hurts more. What if her explaining doesn't mean anything. Stop being stupid and text her back. Its late now like midnight would she still be up?

'Okay.' Thats all I texted her. No text back. No I love you. No nothing. What if she wasn't serious? I'm very serious. Serious about a lot of things especially her. What if she was afraid we would fight if she continued to text.

I was up for hours thinking of what if's. What if I'm not worth it? What if she doesn't really love me? What if everything was just a lie? What if nothing was ever true? No no no that isn't it. It couldn't be. I could see it in the way she looks at me. The way she expressed herself.

'Never mind we would probably still fight about it. Good night Stefan. Good night Shadow. Get some sleep. I love you.' She texted me back at three in the morning. I wonder what she was doing up this early. Then again I was up still too.

'Tell me when you're ready. I love you too. Good night Tress. Sweet dreams.' I texted back. What was I going to do without her here? She would come back right? She couldn't just stop working here right? She loved everything about here? I mean everything. She couldn't just leave like that?