When lies and truth become blurred

Self worth.

I am enough. Even if you did not see this. I have always been enough. Even if you didn't bother to stick around long enough to know this. I will always be enough. Even though you will probably never know this. I am amazing in my own bizarre unique way. I am perfect, imperfectly perfect.  I am lovely and beautiful and not yours to treasure.  But that was your choice. Over time I have become ok with that decision. I cannot control you or force you to want me. If you didn't want to hang around and dig a little deeper to find the gold in me then I didn't really want you in my life anyways. I would be settling. Some found a vein of gold in me but it was dirty and needed cleaned and coaxed to shine. But that was work. That vein was lost maybe forever because of your laziness. It wasn't safe to reveal it again. Surely it would be treated with the same indifference as before? There are veins of gold that I mistook for copper for someone didn't think it was worth much. Someone like you. I thought I was worthless altogether. A dud. A mistake. Not worth anyone's time. Nothing but a hunk of clay. Dried up of all gems and minerals. If there were any to begin with. I can't be anything special if I was overlooked so many a time. By so many types of different people. Were the miners experts knowing there was nothing worth digging for or were they lazy miners that didn't care and were only looking for mines where the gold and rubies were laying all over the surface saving them from having to work? I have come to realize it was often the ladder. In other cases we simply weren't meant to be. Our pieces didn't fit. We tried in vein to place them correctly but finally sweaty and worn out we had to admit it wasn't going to work. Sometimes we parted bitterly other times with mutual respect and fond memories. I want you to know I loved you all in one way or another. I remember every one of you. When you left you took a small piece of me. Some a big piece that left  me unable to function properly for a while. You live forever in my memory. I have said goodby and let go but the sting of your dismissal still stings faintly. I don't know if it will ever stop. But one day I hope it will. For the both of us. You are beautiful and special and lovely and truly amazing in your own bizarre unique way. I hope you find people willing to dig for the gold inside of you. I hope they love you for who you are not simply desiring to use you up till your dry. You are enough. I hope you have a wonderful blessed life. Goodbye. I wish I could say I'll miss you but that's not always the case because I am working to let you go. But I wish you the best.
P.s I thought your gold was worth finding. when I found it I tried to rub away the dirt to see its beauty. even though it wasn't entirely clean or bright and still in a crude state I thought it was beautiful.  You were always enough. And so am I. It's ok that you never saw that. Because I finally saw it for myself and I don't need you to see it anymore.

This chapter doesn't really fit the rest of the book but life isn't always about the downs , the hurts. It's about healing too. And letting go. I hope we can all see the beauty in us one day. Just because someone didn't stick around doesn't mean u are worth any less. The problem was on their side not yours. Sweet dreams love you. You are enough! I need people to tell me this too. 💙💜💓