LYFE

Decisions

Cj pov.
Lol I know I know, don't ask. It's been fucked up for me trust I don't need your pity or your harsh words. Tbh I'm just ready to get this over and done. Avi is with Jason yet again, while me... I'm just in my house wasting away. But it can't be helped what I did with my life was my own bad decisions on situations that I could of handled better. I went from popping pills to getting drunk and having random sex swore ray's. I went on sex apps from Grindr to jack'd to even tagged. Hell I went to clubs, hookup locations and I didn't even care. I just felt like what's the point of being in love if the person you give your everything too, hurts you to the core and causes the pain to be unbearable.....like why?. But nothing I can do he's happy with Jason and I just feel he's better off with him than me. But if I leave this earth I want avi to have the best in life so, I made some deep decisions that will make avi happy. It might can't make up for the shit I've done and the pain I caused. But it's something that I can roll over in my grave and say that I did a good thing. I give my last couple days doing soul searching and going to church. I've had a lady from my church minister to me and I really feel better than I use to be. But anyway I'm going to get ready because I'm leaving my house so I won't leave this earth knowing the last memory I'll have was when me and avi fought and broke up. I'm giving the keys to my lawyer and a envelopes with avi and Jason names on them, and one for my buttercup Jayla. Anyway my taxi is here I will talk to you guys later, be safe and take care of avi for me plz.

End of pov.

As I get up I notice I had a message from josh, I haven't heard from him in a minute. I decided to call him and see what's going on with him and why he has been missing in action for the last month.

Josh- hello
Me- josh what's good beh, where u been hiding? Haven't seen or hear from you in a minute.
Josh- sorry just been dealing with a lot of shit lately.
Me- well let's catch up I'll send you the direction to my place I'll cook and make us some drinks okay. Don't be late either so, 12-1ish?
Josh- lol sigh you won't take no for a answer I guess. Yeah that's good time. I'll be there.
Me- of course not, okay see you then.
Josh- okay. Later

It's great I get to see my friend josh. Kind of miss his presence. Anyway I get up and start to prepare for me and josh hangout. I made salad with chicken Parmesan with mushrooms, and a seafood chowder as a appetizer. For desert I did a Cherri cheesecake with macadamia nut crust. It was almost time for josh to be here so I did a quick fresh up and I wasn't looking to fancy. I was rocking a white crock top with my straight leg rip jeans and my some white and jeans vans that I designed. When I was putting on my cologne and fixing my hair josh texted me saying he's here. I walked by the door and saw josh in all his glory, josh was looking sexy he was rocking a pink polo shirt short blue jeans and some white lowfahs. Damn if I was single josh could be bae. I greeted him at the door and we hugged and for a minute I thought he was holding my waist a little to long. I lead him to the patio and gave him a glass of white wine to start him off. I brought the seafood chowder and we ate and talked. I knew something is really off with josh but idk. I'll wait for him to say what's on his mind. After the chowder we ate our Maine course and he felt stuffed. Lol I brought a bottle of wine so we can burn some of that food off. We was having good conversation about me and my family and what's been going on, but every time we talked about him he would switch the conversation. I was about to ask him what's going on but he interrupted me and asked for the bathroom. I told him where it was and he walked off. I gave it 5minutes of drinking the wine, and I had enough of waiting and I just couldn't wait anymore. I was walking towards the bathroom and I notice josh coming out but his eyes were blood shot red and his eyes were puffy. I asked him why was he crying he brushed it off and it made me mad. I went after him still because I was being a good friend, when I grabbed him he lashed out on me and smacked. He thought I was going to cry but I Gave that dude one good punch had him fall and he started to cry out. I don't think he was crying from my punch, so I picked him up and he was just going on how he should of been there, and he just kept rambling. Until we reached the sofa and I laid behind him and he shouted out that his ex is dead. After that he cried himself to sleep in my arms. I was being a friend I didn't know that he was going through this. A few hours had past and I didn't even now what time it was because all I heard was dishes being washed and put up. I woke up and realize josh was sill sleep but he was wrapped up on me. I got a chance to get loose and decided to see who it was. When I got in The kitchen Jason was smiling and being petty. He didn't even ask questions he just made a plate of the food I made and walked in his room. I rubbed my hair and went to the bathroom to wash my face and mouth. When I got back josh was sitting up looking like he was ready to cry again. I sat next to him and asked for the impossible. He got choked up a little but he got it out eventually. His ex died 2weeks ago And was buried the day of my bbq. Sigh now I know why, but I would never let him decide in that situation. We hugged again and I gave him a kiss on his forehead and told him I will always be here for him. We hugged again, and he left and went home. I knew I had to deal with mr big baby in the room. As I head in Jason room, he enjoying himself with the food I made, and I didn't even notice Jason had a big piece of my cheesecake on a plate. I rolled my eyes because arguing over cake is a lost case with Jason. Before I could say what I needed to say Jason opened his big mouth saying if that's my lil bf.