LYFE

Open Wounds

After I kissed Chaz and we talked a little he didn't push or went to fast. We just hugged and he kissed my cheek and just moving slow. I know I should be still hurt or crying over Jason, but the thing is I'm not a strong person with dealing with depression so. I'll have my moments cry and feel like shit but I need to move on quick because I don't want to live in a that dark box I grew up in when my "Mother" or I should say my Aunt raised me. Chaz said he will be out of town but he will be back in time for the funeral. Sigh I know this isn't going to be easy on my family. I went back into the house and saw Veronica in the kitchen drinking tea. Lately she's been okay getting over Jason. But I know on that funeral day she will be at her worst. I asked her where was Mason she said by the pool smoking. One mind told me to punch the shit out of him but if his temper and emotion are like Jason that won't make it better. I walked to the pool and I saw him sitting at the edge with his feet in the water. I sat next to him and he didn't even looked my way. That was the quickest way to get me upset but I knew better not to make a scene. I pulled the joint from his lips and threw it in the water. He finally looked at me but with hurt in his expression.

Mason- I'm sorry. I don't need to hear a lecture from you.
Me- oh no mr, your going to hear it whether you like it or not. Mason every guy that comes to see me or talks to me isn't after my heart. I respect you are looking out for me but that's not going to help the situation. Jason will forever be my true love but I have to move on sooner or later. I'm not going to forget about him.
Mason- well how you act and your body language tells me different. You lucky I didn't kill that punk because the way he touches you makes me....... Smt never mind forget it.
Me- Mason if your jealous say you are. But I'm going to be honest I can't do whatever we were doing earlier with you anymore. I know your not Jason but everything about you is a reminder of Jason. Expect that dick though. Lol
Mason- lol well I was bigger when we were growing up. But Avi the feeling you give me when we are alone it's like you bring out the fragile side of me. I don't want to be rough with you or hurt you in anyway. Your like a fine wine that if you ruin it it loses it value.  But I don't know if I can help it.
Me- Mason you don't know how much that means but I can't. I would love for you to be in my life and Jayla's own. She needs her uncle but for me I need my brother in-law and just that nothing more or less. 
Mason- damn I understand well if that's the case I respect your decision Avi. Even though I know you want me as much as I want you but, I have to move on.
Me- thank you Mason.

As Mason gets up and walks to the pool house I sighed and looked at the sky and said under my breath "if you could be here to hold my hand baby". I smiled and got up and headed into the house, I got into my room and went to bed knowing some things might turn out for the good or bad but I will see them through.

FAST FORWARD TO THE FOLLOWING WEEK. JASONS FUNERAL!!!!.

It's Friday 11:00am  and all you can hear is people talking and tables moving. The funeral is at 2:30 and we are barely even ready. I haven't see Mason since last night don't know if he's coming. Chaz message me saying he might be late due to his flight being delayed. Vanessa is taking a nap because she was trying to cook and bake from last night. Damn Vanessa is like a mother to me but I can't feel how she feels. I got a text from Kwan and Josh saying they will meet me by the church and they are here for me. Kwan hasn't seen me in a minute. After our run in at a party Kwan acted a fool but he apologized. Josh has been working a lot lately. So I barely see or spend time with him. Dez left to handle his kids. One of his daughters needed surgery and he couldn't put it off. My aunt on my dad side message me but I don't bother to respond because they felt like Jordan was a angel. Right now I'm not going to be dealing with no drama. I went downstairs to check on things and so far everything is in place. Jayla went to my friend Kiki to get her done for today. I needed Jayla to look her best for her daddy. It's almost 1 o'clock and still no sign of Mason Sigh. The limo driver said they will be here in half hour. I went and checked on Vanessa and she was just getting up, I asked if she was okay and she said a little. I hugged her and told her I love her and we will get through this. She said enough crying we have all day at the church and graveyard to do that. I giggled a little because even though we might be sad she always know what to say to break the mood. She asked if I can put her hair in one once she comes out I told her sure. I decided to take a bath and start to get ready, after taking my shower my phone was ringing and I didn't notice the number but when I answered, Mason  said 'Avi I'll meet y'all to the church'. I told him to bring his ass home because we are doing this as a family. He sighed and said I'll meet the family there. And he hunged up, if that didn't piss me off Chaz texted back saying he might not make it but if he can he will make sure to come see me first. I sent a whatever text because at this point everything was going haywire. As I got halfway dressed,  my outfit is the white Armani suit I was supposed to wear for our wedding. Vanessa was wearing a white pants suit made for her personally. Jayla dress is a white simple dress with a flower lace at the back. I went to check to see if Veronica was ready, and behold she was her makeup was simple yet pretty. I pinned and combed her hair into one as a ponytail. Veronica might be old but she is slaying in her outfit. I went to go finish get ready I looked out the window and saw the white limo. I shouted to Vanessa to see how far Jayla was, she shouted saying she just reached. Jayla quickly put on her dress and shoes and I got my stuff and I told the guy in charge at my house that if he needs anything to ask the catering team what needs to be done. As I walk out the house Jayla and Vanessa are already waiting. Vanessa ask if Mason is coming in the car I told her he said he will meet us there. We got to the church barely on time due to traffic, we walked in and the music alone made me sad. Jayla and Vanessa walked in first, I told Vanessa I'll see where Mason is and wait. Mason didn't answer but he texted saying something about he's on his way, and I should get inside and sit down he will be there to hold my hand. I couldn't understand why but Mason was going to get a good ass punch to his face when I see him. I walked in and sat on the end of the front row. The funeral alone was full of sobbing and crying. I couldn't even bring myself to scream or speak I had my black ray bans on and tears were just falling down my face. Jayla went sleep after a straight hour of crying and calling for her daddy. Vanessa was being strong for her but in a moment I asked myself, "who's going to be strong for me"?. I haven't heard from Chaz since arriving to this funeral. I just couldn't understand why, everyone looks for me to be there for them but no one could never be there for me. The only two people who ever were there was Cj and Jason! They both were there for me but in different ways. Sigh I don't have anyone in my life who can replace or even come to compare to what Cj and Jason did for me and Jayla. The funeral is almost at the ending and the pastor told the family to leave first and the guest can leave second. I got outside and saw Josh and Kwan standing I went and hailed them. My body was there but my mind and heart weren't, for some strange feeling it's like everything went slow. Josh and Kwan lips were moving but I couldn't hear them, the birds were flying in slow motion. It's almost as if time slowed down just for a moment. At this moment it felt strange but when I turned by the door of the church I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Cj, Jason and my papa standing in all white with a radiant glow about them. I couldn't believe my eyes as I walked to them Cj was smiling and Jason was just giving me that smile that always made me feel like everything is going to be okay. When I saw my papa I had to cry because he looked so happy. He hugged me and kissed my forehead and told me that he's proud and he will always be. Then he said jokingly that Jason is a good guy and he could of seen why I'm in a better place. I smiled because Jason never got introduced as my boyfriend or fiancé only as a friend. I told my papa I missed him and I will forever remember him. Next was Cj, I hugged him so tight and told him thanks for everything. He chuckled and said stop you making look like a softy in front of ya dads. I giggled and Jason smiled, he kissed my cheeks and told me to take care of his buttercup and to enjoy life. Finally my heartstring, my love, my bestie, my one and only. Jason hug felt so warm like it always did, and the look in his eyes made me felt weak. Jason told me to be strong and never give up on love because they are never the same each turn. He told me to do what's best and never doubt or regret it. Damn if Jason knew what the plans were going to be, he finally said to continue living life and don't be scared, he will always love and watch over me and Jayla. I couldn't bear looking at him because I wanted him to be here with me. Jason touched my face and told me to look at him, when I did his tears were almost silver, he said that he loves me and he will never deny our love was crazy but that's what made it special. He kissed my lips and I felt like I was in heaven in that moment. Jason let go of my face and all three of them started to fade into a bright light and he said goodbye. In that moment I felt like it was a dream and all I could hear was Josh saying to me if I'm alright. I looked at him then around to make sure what I saw was real or not. I wiped my eyes and told him I am ok and will meet them at the party. He said ok and Kwan tapped my shoulder and headed with Josh. When I got into the car I touched my lips and in that moment I could have taste Jason saliva in my mouth and the warmth from his hug. Papa, Cj, and Jason came to say their final goodbyes so I can move on with my life.