Sugawara Koushi x Suicidal! Reader (To the Very End)

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[A/N] Second part to Sugawara Koushi x Reader (Cruel)
Warning: Triggering contents. Read at risk.
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The roof was loud with the sound of the wind. A girl stood on the roof above the door that lead to the main roof.

(F/n) let an inaudible sigh as she popped open the lid of the medicine bottle. She pressed it down to close and repeated the steps absent-mindedly. She scrunched up her eyebrows and opened the lid. She didn't make a move to close the container.

Smoothly, two fingers slid in and pulled out one of the many tablets in the bottle. She rolled it in between her fingers before tossing it into her mouth. She crunched on it like candy before taking a sip of water to wash away the taste.

The bell rang, signalling the start of school. (F/n) made a noise of annoyance and jumped down to head to class. Instead of the girl that looked out to the horizon on the roof, her head was down, avoiding people when their shoes were in her line of sight.

She counted her steps until she reached her classroom, peeking in to make sure she was at the correct location. The teacher entered and she followed, moving past other students who haven't seated yet.

"Class, please open your notebook to a new page."

~ * ~
Sugawara watched the girl diligently scrawl notes after notes as she looked out of the window. It amazed him how she could write without looking nor checking the board. Just by the teacher's words alone. She trust the teacher to give her correct information and notes. She had trusted Sugawara too, at one point of their life. It was gone now.

Her hand stopped, snapping Sugawara out from his trance. "Sugawara-san, are you paying attention?" the teacher called. Daichi nudged his arm, shaking his head.

"Stop it. You broke up with her," he mouthed. Sugawara gave a soft blush and shook his head apologetically at his teacher. The older man huffed, muttering about short attention spanned kids.

Sugawara risked a peek at (F/n). She didn't notice the earlier commotion, writing down even the teacher's conversation with Sugawara without realizing. It could be a fatal mistake for her because there were occasion of students' voices, whether they were cheeking the teacher, asking qustions or requesting something and she would write that down as well.

"Sugawara-san!" the teacher hollered.

~ *,~
"You've gotta stop doing this. You broke up with her!" Daichi's voice rang as him and Sugawara headed to the school roof. The silverette nodded.
Daichi pulled him up to the school roof so he could chastise his friend on his bad behavior in class. It was a good place because hardly anyone went there. Only during confession moments. "I know... I know..."

(F/n)  watched from behind them, playing with the same medicine bottle. Sensing another presence, Sugawara turned and froze, seeing her standing tall on the roof.

"What is it, Suga? Are you paying attention?" Daichi frowned. Sugawara turned to him.

"She's here," he whispered lowly. They turned but no one was there anymore. Just an empty space.

"Stop it," Daichi growled in frustration. Sugawara sighed softly. He shook his head and smiled.

"I won't do it again. Come, let's go," he suggested, pushing him back to their class. As he closed the door behind him, his eyes caught sight of the medicine bootle on the ground. Exact same shape as the one held in her hand. He bent down and picked it up, turning to look at the label. His eyes widened a fraction.

Depression pills?

~ * ~
She didn't feel so well. Her head was hazy with bad memories. "Sensei," she called out softly. The teacher ignored her, not hearing the call. Sugawara looked in sadness.

"Sensei," he stood up, catching his attention and also the rest of the class. He felt uncomfortable, wondering if he made the right choice putting attention on her.

"What is it?" the teacher asked, slightly annoyed at being interrupted.

"I don't think (L/n)-san is feeling well,"
he said. Attention turned to the said girl who slumped in her seat.

"Is it true?"

The girl shrugged. "Maybe a little fresh air will help you. Go to the nurse office. You okay by yourself?"

(F/n) nodded, shuffling all her books into her bag before escaping the classroom, uneasy with the stares. Her head was kept down as she speed-walked to the direction of the school nurse.

Sugawara turned the bottle in his hand, watching her leave. He stopped and slid it into his blazer pocket before turning his attention back to the teacher.

~ * ~
The lunch bell rang. (F/n) escaped the nurse office to head once again to the school roof. She slid her hand into her pocket to pull up empty-handed. She searched again, a growing fear of someone finding out her shameful secret.

"I knew it was yours," a soft spoken voice, one she admired for being filled with warmth and gentleness. Now, was it just a normal voice to her? It wasn't angelic anymore.

"Sugawara-san," she turned. Sugawara held out the bottle. She reached out for it, hand out for him to return the medicine bottle. "Please."

"You can kill yourself with this thing. Why didn't you see a therapist?" Sugawara scolded.

"Why do you care?" she spat. "Humans are selfish. They give the airs of angels but they're demons. Monsters. Stop caring about me. Give the bottle."

"And why should I? I'm not a monster,  (L/n)," Sugawara sighed. "Don't self-destruct."

"I don't plan on dying."

Lies.

"I just need to get over a little depression. I won't need it any longer if I follow the regime."

Another lie.

Sugawara was silent. Did he believe her? No. "Stop lying."

"Then, you leave me no choice," she sighed. She lunged at him and swiped the medicine bottle. Caught off guard, she managed to push him through the door and slammed shut. She twisted the lock, locking him from the roof.

"(L/n), open up! Please, let me help! I know I broke up with you but that doesn't mean I don't care!" he banged on the door, demanding her to open it. There was no answer. "(L/n)? (L/n)? (F/n)!"

"Shut up! I'm still here. You wish to help?" her voice spoke. Once again, gentle, shy and picked on. One that was supposed to be protected, not harmed. He harmed her, yet she accepted his help.

"Let me help," he coaxed through the door.

"Sit down. Let's talk. That'll help. I like listening to Sugawara-san's voice. It's not evil," she laughed slightly. It was angelic. No, she was angelic even though she was hurt numerous times. A pain etched in his heart.

"Talk? About what?"

"You love volleyball. Talk about volleyball then," she answered. And so he did. With bated breath, he told her about Kageyama and Hinata's constant fights, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi's improvement, Nishinoya and Tanaka's trouble-making. He told her about friends they made, training camp memories and what not. He couldn't help smile at the memories he made with the team because of volleyball.

"What do you think, (F/n)-chan?" he reverted back to the old name-calling. That was when he noticed the deathly silence. "(F/n)-chan? (F/n)-chan? Answer me, dammit!" he called, banging on the door.

He couldn't breath. Hours later was the sirens and chaos. The bottle was empty when it was half-full. Numbness enveloped around him.

She died.
She died from overdose.
She died from overdose due to a broken heart.
She died.

"Sir, can you tell me what happened?" a police approached. He couldn't. He could only see the last thing he saw on her before the paramedic shook her head.

"I like listening to Sugawara-san's voice. It's not evil."

A smile. Genuine and innocent. To the very end.

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