A Never Noticed Mate

Can't Let Go...

Clarissa POV

     Taking a stroll around the cottage, I wrapped my shawl tighter around my shoulders. Heaving a breath, I sighed.

    How much I love this place, its so peaceful here, the birds flying high up in the sky, the beautiful trees with strong stems, laden with fruits and colourful flowers, the green grass and the natural smell of soil, makes it a perfect holiday spot to relax.

    I relaxed my tensed muscles under the peaceful nature, how much I wish I could feel the same from the inside too, just like the outside nature, peaceful, no worries, no tensions, no burdens to bear, no people to answer to. But I know there is anything but peace and I have come to this terms that I can't be anything but happy.

    I made my way to the back of my cottage and plopped onto one of the stone created benches. Exhaling my thoughts deeply, I leaned backward and fluttered closed my eyelids but instantly opened them as the flashback of that night clouded my mind. Sighing again, I rubbed my palm over my face, clearly exhausted due to the lack of sleep. I am so tired that I couldn't open my eyes for a second, yet when I close them, the horrible dreams, the nightmares doesn't let me rest, they keep haunting me due to that horrible night when I lost everything, even my willpower to fight.

    Resting my head back against the bench, I stared up at the beautiful blue coloured sky.

    Just when I start getting my hopes up that everything is going to be perfect, nothing is going to come in my way, that's when my fate decides to interrupt my fairytale. I thought the day after the night about which Ellie used to talk to, the night was my miserable life in my old pack and the day was me entering this pack.

     But I think your past never let's you go, even if you try to leave it behind, it still leaves its trail, the mark of what you were and what you never will be. I always used to think that when I will leave that pack, I'll be free, happy. But I should have known better, even though I have experienced all my life not to hope much, I just couldn't seem to accept the fact that how can my life be this unfaithful to me. Whenever I thought or felt this is it, its the end of the night and the new bright day is awaiting , that's when everything starts to go downhill.

   Like everybody else, I too dreamed about a good future and when I came to this pack, I saw the bright future in front of my eyes, but I was too late for that.

    Heck, why can't live like any other person, a normal life, a normal pack, a normal mate. Its been a week since that monstrous night, a week since the little hope in me was crushed, before it could bloom. Its been  a week since my wolf shut me out, healing herself. Its been a week since I didn't closed my eyes, a week since I feel scared, afraid, helpless and most of  alone, a week since that unforgetful happened.

    Even though everyone was here all the time, to support me and encourage me, I just couldn't digest the fact that my own mate and friend would do such thing to me. Xavier is always here with me, trying to make me smile, he does stupid things or make some stupid jokes to make me laugh, and I swear if I wasn't in this situation I would have laughed not at his joke but the expressions he keeps giving while saying it, I can say that he is trying is best, he is always smiling in front of me but I can see depth of  pain and sadness in his eyes, he is always worried about me. How much I could wish I could just return the smiles, the laugh, the love, the warmth that he showers upon me by his presence but I just can't make myself to do it.

    How much I wish I could take away their pain and sadness, from him, from Mariya ,from Alpha and Luna but how could I do that when I can't even hold myself upright.

    Sighing, I got up and again wandered the grounds, my feet taking me to an unknown place, I didn't noticed where I was as I was too engrossed to care for it but when I saw where I was, I was riled up with anger, seeing red, my nostril flared, as I took the view of the lake, the same lake where my first training session was held, the same lake where I saw my little version with my parents and lastly the same lake where I also saw the playback from my pack's last dreadful meeting.