My Little World

Chapter Twenty One

Xavier's POV

I came out to give Tara space to say goodbye. It's strange how difficult family can be yet somehow you love them unconditionally. Watching her with her family made me remember something I haven't thought about in a very long time. It made me miss my mom, when we used to be family, before she left me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to find Tara's mom standing in front of me.

"Mrs. Verma, you need something?"

"I came out to.." she to a deep breath and continued "I wanted to apologise. We never treat guests like this and I'm sorry you had to witness all of that too. I just came out to say I'm sorry."

She said and turned to leave. I didn't understand her, I can see how respectful she is but when it comes to Tara, she's ruthless.

"My mother left me and father when I was a kid" I shouted to get her attention and she stopped and turned. I walked up to her "My mother was never really around and even after she left, she never really tried to contact atleast none that I'm aware of. My life was never the same after she bailed. I tried to find her but I think she just disappeared somewhere and didn't want to be found. When I couldn't get a hold of her I decided it is best to assume that she died. It made me move forward easily. My adoptive sister, her mother was crappy too. I never really had a big reference to how mothers are supposed to be. I never really experienced that sort of thing. For me, mother's were supposed to be like this and it was okay until I met your daughter. She's a great person no doubt but I didn't like her very much until I met her daughter and saw how amazing mother she is. You know her way better than I do and I'm sure you know that your daughter is an excellent mother. She's the reason I understand mothers better now. Emma is all she thinks about all the time. And you know what? She takes that from you. She wants to be you. An incredible mother. Can't you just cut her some slack here? Maybe a last goodbye?"

She smiled lightly and I'm aware that I've hit a nerve and may as well crossed the line but I had to say something, anything.

"You're right! She is a great mother, she might as well be the better mother but never had to make a decision that I had to make. It's not always black or white, it isn't always about right and wrong, sometimes it is way more complicated than that. I had to make a decision and nobody can say it was not the right one because they weren't given the options that I had. I'm always going to be sorry for not being good enough for her. She's extraordinary. She's more than I could ever dream about and it kills me everyday that I can't be a part of her life. She's strong and independent and she knows what she wants and is willing to fight for that. I can not be more proud but I made a decision four years ago. I chose my duties as wife over my daughter and I'm making that decision till date. I'm not going to explain it to you because I'm sure you won't understand but I'm still a mother. A proud mother who's heart breaks everyday missing her daughter."

There are moments in life where you can't find the right words to the right situation. This was my moment. "I'm so sorry. I just.. I didn't know.. I am really sorry..."

"I know you're and I'm too. I can't ask for anything from you but I would really appreciate if you don't mention this to my daughter. I don't want her to have any hope that she can fix things with me because if she knew she would try really hard and that would just make things worse and I would've to hate her harder which I can't do. I've accepted that this story just doesn't have a happy ending. Just take care of her, please." With that she left and I understood how Tara is such an amazing person. She had a great inspiration.

"You okay?" I heard a familiar voice and turned to see Tara standing, holding a very sad Emma in her arms.

I took Emma from her "Yes. I'm okay. How about you?"

She shrugged "it's okay. It'll get better. We should go. Emma needs to sleep and she's very upset so it has only made her more cranky."

I nodded. She is a great mother, just like her own mother and I wish I could tell her that but I can't. I'm not sure if it is the right thing to do but it is the only way Tara could move ahead and I'm okay with that.

Maybe down the line things would change but at this very moment, the best I could do for Tara and Emma is be quiet and hold on hope.