My Little World

Chapter Forty One

SIX YEARS LATER

Xavier's POV

I was looking at the annual report for the year. We had a good year but I'm sure we could better. I spotted a mistake, I searched for a Post-It note to write a note for correction. I opened the last drawer to find a Post-It note. I shuffled the entire drawer but nothing. I looked again and my eyes fell on the letter Tara left me before leaving.

I keep reading that letter again and again hoping it would hurt less each time but it doesn't. I remember coming home to an empty house and cold bed six years thinking how everything that so beautiful is now just broken. I sat on my bedroom floor thinking whether I should find her or not, stop her from leaving but I didn't. I never left the house. I don't know if I regret it or not but I miss that life. This life is just lonely and I've my mother to thank for that.  She has successfully ruined my life again.

I shake the thought of loneliness and concentrated on my work. The numbers, the figures, the money, the usual.

My secretary knocked on the door but before he could say anything the door wide open revealing my mother and Sapphire following her closely.

I stood up instantly. I haven't seen my mother ever since she walked out on me but I can never forget the face of that woman. She's much older now, but still the same ungrateful face who left her child.

"Why are you here? Why the hell is she here? What were you doing?" I barked at my secretary.

"I-I-"

"I came with her. I let her in." Sapphire injected

"Why would you do that? Look, I don't have time. You, get lost and Sapphire, I'll talk to later." I said and sat down.

"No, you're talking right now. Six years ago you said you'll tell me later and I still don't know why you would let Tara leave. You need to talk. You need to hear. You need to come to some kind of conclusion rather than staying in the limbo." She came closer and held my hand "You're miserable. You miss her all the time. Even with your shank girlfriends, you're alone. You still don't know if not going after her was the right thing or the worst decision of your life. You're hoping everything will be okay but it won't be until you don't talk."

"Talk? To whom, Sapphire? This woman" I pointed to my mother who flinched at the tone of my voice. "This woman has ruined everything nice in my life and you want me to talk to her. What is a selfish, self centered, stone hearted woman has to say to me? She left me, and even when she did return she didn't have the courage to face me rather she took the love of life from me. I've nothing to say to her. She can get lost."

My mom sighed and her eyes show the same emotion mine showed, pain.

"I did walk out on you. Yes, I returned but never came to you. I was a horrible mother to you. I've done things I don't think I'll ever able to forgive myself but I'm not to be blamed for ruining your life. I didn't take away the love of your life, you pushed her away and all these years you're blaming me so you don't have to feel the pain of making the biggest mistake of your life."

I didn't say anything. I didn't what to.

"The biggest mistake of my life is and always will be leaving you, making you believe that I don't love you, leaving you with your father hoping you would understand but how could you? You were just a kid. I don't think anything I would say would make any difference but I've to say it. I never wanted to leave you but I had to. I keep thinking if I would've done things differently but I don't know everything I did was for you. Letting you hate me was also for you. My life had purpose because of you and I lost everything too the day I walked out on you. I'm incredibly sorry for making you feel I didn't love you because all I ever did my entire life is love you."