"Surprise Bea! Happy Birthday!"
I walked in on a restaurant filled with people close to my heart. It's my 18th Birthday, but I didn't know there is going a party like this. A surprise indeed.
It was a unique kind of party and through out dinner time, the songs I have covered of, were playing. I'm happy people liked it. The only 'not unique' part of it was the 18 roses.
I have always fancied that part of the party ever since the first time I attended one. The thought of having a talk, may it be deep or shallow, with someone special during a slow dance, is something.
My brothers, uncles, ninongs, friends, teachers and some special guests were a part of it. I got kilig because some of them used to be my crush. My parents were never open na magkaroon ako ng special someone. Papayag lang daw sila kapag twenty na ako.
"Happy Birthday Grazielle. I love you so much, I hope you know that." Jay and I got together I'm not sure when. Walang monthsary, walang bilangan, walang nakakaalam. Everyday with him is already a celebration.
"I love you so much that I want to let you go."
Our slow dancing stopped. Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. That was totally uncalled for.
"I know this is frustrating for you as much as it is for me. I know you have tons of dreams and I can see I'm becoming a distraction. And you know that I don't fucking want that."
Nalaman niyang muntik akong bumagsak sa isa kong major subject and that is the subject that would determine whether I'd be staying in my program.
"But Jay, I made through it. Pumasa naman ako. We don't have to split up."
My hands were still around his neck and his eyes are piercing thru me. I don't want to let go. I don't ever want to let go.
"I have made up my mind, Elle. If the stars says we're really for each other, dadating at dadating ang panahon na tayong dalawa pa din. Pero kung hindi, I would be waiting. Fulfill your promises to your parents and reach your goals. I love you so much, Elle." And he hugged me so tight bago niya ako iniwan sa stage.
That day, two years ago, I tried to stay composed and look happy just how happy I am supposed to be. It may be a short relationship, but he broke my heart really really bad.
I parked my car somewhere he can't see, and stayed in my flat for two days. Not leaving any clues that I'm back here. Sa pagkakaalam ko, kahapon dapat yung flight niya pabalik ng Manila. Siguro andun na siya kaya he stopped calling.
I didn't even bothered to check if he had called or messaged me. Wala akong pakialam if he's wondering why I ran away and ditched the plan. Hindi niya alam how troubled I was after he left the party right away after the dance. And he has no idea how confused I am right now with his caption on my picture.
Two years ago, I tried calling him so many times before I left the country for a vacation, but there was no answer. Pinagisipan ko ng mabuti yung mga sinabi niya noong gabing iyon, and it brought me to the realization to give up and not go after him.
Tama naman siya, it sounds super dreamy pero kasi kung kami talaga ang destined para sa isa't isa, it would happen. Nawala sa isip ko na baka ito na yung time na yun.
For the past few days I acted like nothing happened, and he did too. After two years of breaking my heart he showed up and made a buzz on how he feels towards me.
Ganyan naman siya eh. Making up decisions all by himself without considering how will other people feel about it.
Sinubukan kong kalimutan how happy I used to be when we were together. But for the past few days, seeing his little quirks, his hair, his smile and seeing him, the Jay I used to love, brought back all the feelings I had.
I turned on my phone and messaged him right away. Hi Jay! I'm sorry I went off hours before our plan. Dad called me for a meeting in Germany and I lost my signal. I just got back here in Berkshire. Are you already in Manila? I really am sorry for ditching you, I hope you understand.
If he's good at making decisions all by himself, ako, I'm good at lying and pretending how I feel. Wala pang ilang minuto nang nagreply siya sa message ko.
"I'm still here. I told you, Elle. I'll be waiting."
