"Ha?"
"She's my half sister."
I never knew.
"What others do you have in store, Jay? Tell me." This guy always have the best timing, ever.
"You met my dad, right? In Germany. He was the first one to tell me you're with someone else."
Okay. I'm listening.
"Your dad knows me. He knew." He stopped talking for a good few minutes. "About us."
"What?!"
"He caught me one time noong hinatid kita on the spot kung saan ka niya sinusundo."
"Then what?" I'm trying to stay calm here.
"He met me once. Medicine and Research training. Nagusap kami. He asked about us. I was caught, magsisinungaling pa ba ako?"
"Go. Don't stop. Please. Just go and talk your head off."
""You still have a lot to do Mr. Angtuaco. Succeed in this field and prove to me that you deserve my daughter."" He quoted what my dad had said.
"Was that before my birthday?" He nodded his head. "Reason of break up? Of you studying in Japan?" He nodded, again.
"Why didn't you fucking tell me?!" I couldn't keep it in. Even the tears started falling.
"I didn't wanted you to know. Ayoko masira yung relationship niyo ng daddy mo."
"Eh bakit ka nakipagbreak?! What made you so sure that pursuing what my dad wants you to be will make you have me?! Have me back?!"
He didn't answer and looked straight into the night road.
"Ang gago mo din eno! You never wanted to be a doctor! Eh bakit mo ginawa?!"
"I didn't have any choice! My dad forced me on becoming one too."
"You don't always have to listen on what others tell you. Doctor ka nga, utak mo asan? Let me rephrase that, asan puso mo Jay?!" Inis na inis na inis ako. "Why do you always have to listen on others?! Diba may sarili kang mahal at gusto? Why didn't you stood up for it?!"
"Hindi ko alam Elle, okay?!
"It is not okay. And will never be okay!" After saying those words, I found myself sobbing. I don't even know why I'm crying. Hindi ko maintindihan. "Mahal mo naman ako noon diba? Bakit hindi mo pinaglaban? Sana naman lumaban ka, at sana dun sa laban na napili mo, sinabihan mo ako."
"I love you, Elle. Hanggang ngayon." Even up until now, at this moment, he still mentions my name with all the love and gentleness he can offer. It's something I have fallen for before—fallen for hard.
I swept off what he said. Alam ko naman yun. Alam na alam.
"You had me during that time, sana sinabi mo sa akin."
"I didn't want you to be caught up with my own problems, Elle."
"Alam mo yung tayo Jay? Mayroong ganun dati eh, tayo. Pero hindi ko naramdaman."
"I'm sorry, Elle. I'm so sorry my princess." He held my hand under the red stoplight, but I broke free. I also spotted tears falling from his eyes.
"In London, every single fucking time we spent there, I wanted to kiss you. I was trying not to feel it kasi I was trying to tell myself that I was completely over you. Pero when you left me that night, it felt like it was my birthday again. A happy day that completely turned out the other way 'round. It fucking hurts."
I was just myself again; sobbing in pain, sadness and anger.
"Remember that time in the nursery when we visited you in Quezon? Alalang alala ko yung sinabi sa akin ni Ms. Salvador while you were inside. She said she doesn't know if I am a distraction or an inspiration. Hindi ko gets yun noon, pero it all makes sense now."
I repeatedly hit him in the arm. "Ang sakit sakit!! Alam mo yun!"
"You wouldn't want to die with me, Elle. Stop hitting me." Bakit ang kalma kalma mo pa din? Hindi ka ba nasasaktan?
"I don't care if I die here right then, right now! Hindi mo alam how the hell it hurts! Sakit sakit Jame---."
A phone rang.
"Hello."
"Yes, Dr. Angtuaco speaking."
