Let Me Save You

Chapter 30

I awoke in the hospital bed for the sixth time. My last day in medium hell, and then off to real hell. I sat up, careful not to rip my stitches, and called in the nurse. 

"Good morning, Emily." A red headed nurse walked into the room. She looked really cool. She had some tattoos peeking out from her work uniform, and I could see a cute little stubby nose piercing. "How did you sleep last night?" She asked while walking over, checking my blood pressure. "As well as I can with stitches all over me." She chuckled a little and wrote something down on a clipboard. "I understand completely." Wait, what? "What do you mean?" I sat up more, wanting to hear what she had to say. "I really shouldn't get into it, but after seeing what you did- she paused, I feel like I can connect with you." She came to the bed and sat down right beside me. She pulled up both of her sleeves. Scars everywhere. There wasn't even clean skin showing, you could just see the marks, almost as if she had been burned. "Emily, I want you to listen to me. This needs to stop, what you're doing isn't right. You also can't blame the people who say things to you, you do what you do to yourself. The don't take the knife, razor, pair of scissors, or whatever else to your body. You do that. You have control of your body." I sat there, numb. "I tried to commit too, I ate a lot of pills and passed out." 

"What happened? How were you saved?" I tried to not sound worried, or overly excited wanting to hear what she had to say, but I just couldn't help it. "Well, my boyfriend was asleep, and I took a lot of pills. I mean, a whole bottle of them, plus some. I remember not being fully dead yet, so I heard him. My boyfriend screaming at me. 'Don't die on me! You can't die! Don't do this to me!' He sounded as though he was in so much pain, he was moaning his words, not just yelling them. It was quite spooky." She sighed, and I questioned again. "What did he do? Did he save you?" 

"Yes, Emily. He did. I remember him literally dragging me into the bathroom, placing me into the tub, and turning on the shower with very cold water. He sat behind me and gagged me with his finger. I threw up the pills, all of them because when he found me it wasn't long after I swallowed them, and then I fully woke up. I realized what happened and I just started to cry. He was kissing the back of my neck and telling me how much he loved me. I swore that I was done with everything. Self harm, eating disorder, and suicidal thoughts. He gave me something to live for. Now, when I wake up every morning, I'm in his arms and he tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me." She had tears in her eyes, thinking back on the memory, and now she was holding my arm. "Emily, you have to promise me that what you are doing to yourself is over with. That everything that you've done is behind you, and you are now ready to move forward."

"I promise." I said with my hand behind my back, fingers crossed. Oops.

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"Come on Emily, get up." "Why should I even bother, Bret? Today is the day that I get to go to hell. Fantastic."

"It's not hell, it's a place for you to get better. Emily, I can't keep worrying about you anymore. It's time for you to take some responsibility for your actions and get help." He was getting upset, I could tell it in his voice, and the way his eyes looked. "There. You said it yourself. Why didn't you just let me die then?"

"What are you talking about?" I hate how he acted like this, like he didn't know what he just said. "You told me that you didn't want to worry about me anymore, so you should have just let me fucking die!" I yelled, here we go with the screaming match.

"Will you please just grow the fuck up? I'm sick and tired of always having to treat you like a child becaue you can't even take care of yourself! You always say that you've been 'taking care of yourself' since you were young, but then you act like getting help for something is the worst thing in the world, and you can't handle it! I'm done with you! I only help the people who want it, not the people who want people to feel sorry for them!" He left the hospital room, nothing more said. I was numb. No crying, no breaking down, no talking, I just let the nurses guide me to the van, and let them take me to the rehab center. 

I hope Bret realized what he has just done.