Chapter 3 – Phenononononnononononnomenon (doo, doo, do-do,doo)
When I opened my eyes in the morning, something was different, and I didn’t have a hangover...I felt almost sober! This was not good! Luckily, the fates had provided me with a Sippy cup of Sambuca. As I looked out the window after knocking back a sizeable gulp I saw the dreaded dandruff of the sky littering the shoulders of my truck. I groaned in horror. It had snowed.
But that wasn't the worst part. All the rain from yesterday had frozen solid — coating the needles on the trees in fantastic, cherry lambrini like shapes, and making the driveway a deadly ice slick. I had enough trouble not falling down when the ground was dry; it might be safer for me to go back to bed now. I still had that bottle of Smirnoff under the pillow right?
Sharlie had left for work before I got downstairs. In a lot of ways, living with Sharlie was like having my own place, and I found myself revelling in the aloneness instead of being lonely. Because I’m emo like that.
I was eager to get to school because I would see Eduardo Doritos. And that was very, very stupid. It was starting to become an unhealthy crush and that wasn’t like me at all!
I should be avoiding him entirely after my brainless and embarrassing babbling yesterday. Those things I had said over the rum, and whatever had possessed me to share my hipflask must be quashed. And I was suspicious of him. Who could knock back that much rum and still be sober! I was still frightened of the hostility I sometimes felt emanating from him, and I was still tongue tied whenever I pictured his perfect face, but that just turned me on. It was about time I had a drinking partner. I was well aware that my league and his league were a couple of shot glasses apart. He could obviously quite out drink me. I was dealing with a seasoned alcoholic here.
It took every ounce of my bottle of Jack to make it down the icy brick driveway alive. I almost lost my balance when I finally got to the truck, but I managed to cling to the side mirror and save myself, however Captain Morgan walked the plank. I gave a sad ‘Arr’ as I watched it freeze to the road. Clearly, today was going to be nightmarish.
Driving to school, I distracted myself from my fear of falling and my unwanted speculations about Eduardo Doritos by thinking about my poor bottle of rum. So I sulked for a few more paragraphs and ran over a squirrel to cheer myself up.
I arrived at school relatively unscathed after a run in with a lamp post and a local dog walker, who now might be out of a job. Whoops
I was standing by the back corner of the truck, struggling to fight back the sudden wave of sickness by the last attempt to avoid the trees that surrounded the entrance into rusty spoon high school. I swear it got up and ran into me.
Suddenly I was pulled out of my thoughts to chase after that tree with a chainsaw, when I heard an odd sound. It was a high-pitched screech, and it was fast becoming painfully loud. I looked up, startled. I saw several things simultaneously. Nothing was moving in slow motion, the way it
does in the movies. Instead, the adrenaline rush seemed to make my brain work much faster, and sobered me up at light speed. DAMN IT!!!!
Eduardo Doritos was standing four cars down from me, staring at me in horror. His face stood out from a sea of faces, all frozen in the same mask of shock. But of more immediate importance was the dark blue van that was skidding, tires locked and squealing against the brakes, spinning wildly across the ice of the parking lot. It was going to hit the back corner of my truck, and I was standing between them. I didn't even have time to close my eyes.
Just before I heard the shattering crunch of the van folding around the truck bed, something hit me, hard, like a shot of absinthe to the back of my throat My head cracked against the icy blacktop, and I felt something solid and cold pinning me to the ground. This was it, I had finally done it, I was dead. Defunct, no more, becoming extinct!!!!! The only question was, would hell open its gates to me and was Satan up for a bit of unhealthy competition? When I came to I was lying on the pavement behind the tan car I'd parked next to. But I didn't have a chance to notice anything else, because the van was still coming. It had curled gratingly around the end of the truck and, still spinning and sliding, it was about to collide with me again.
YOU ARE READING
The Emo, The Sparkly Vampire and the Biscuit.
Fanfic"Your skin is... pale white, and ice cold. Your eyes change color... and sometimes you speak like - like you're from a different time. You never eat or drink anything; you don't go into the sunlight. I know what you are." "Go on, say it." "You're em...
