WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MODERN VAMPIRES MR.D?
It is Count, actually. COUNT Dracula. I am no Rapper. But in rrelations to your qvestion, I have nuzzing in common vizz them. Zey arre just a bunch of how you say, pansies. Zey just pout and rrun avay! How arre you supposed to catch zem? No, no, no, a terrible hunting strategy, altogezzar.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF STEPHANIE MEYERS?
I vould love to meet her, show her how a reel Vampire lives. She’s changed everything! Look at zis *Mr. D waves copy of Twilight around* since Ven did ve glitter! HOW ARRE YOU SUPPOSED TO VOO YOUR PRREY VHEN YOU SPARKLE LIKE A DISCO BALL! What arre ve? FAIRIES! No, no, no. I guess sleeping in coffins and veering capes is suddenly UN cool?
WHAT ABOUT GIRLS?
Tchyah. Don’t get mee started. Do you have any idea how hard it has been to hunt zese days. Zey vant me to have a six pack, and vatch zem while zey sleep. Begging me to make zem Vampires and rroll around in ze grass vith them. So I twinkle in ze sunlight. Vell I tell you, it wouldn’t be twinkling. Smouldering, yes. Tvinkiling, no. She’d end up vith 3rd degree burns!
I have seduced women from ALL over ze vorld! But now! Zey no longer fear me, they MOCK me! I get copies of tvilight chucked at my head, zis is actually one of zose copies *he gestures to the book in his hand again* Zey say, no biting till the 50th date! I’m a Vampire. I’m dead! I can’t get it up. All zis necrophilia really puts a Vampire off his neck.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WEREWOLVES?
Love zem. In fact I have two as pets. Called Mr. Nibble fingers and Pancakes. Zey shed something terrible. Don’t get me started on ze postman.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT EDWARD CULLEN?
A crime against Vampires.
SO MR.D, WHAT ARE YOU REALLY SAYING?
It’s COUNT. Count Dracula you bag of blood, you happy meal on legs.I’ll have no participation, in this vampire pussification, so wake me up when the world grows a pair of ....fangs. Now...as for lunch....
BACK TO THE STORY
End of part 1, to be continued.................
Please like and vote if we get more than two comments below we might post up part. Or maybe we will just put up part 2 just for the hell of it.
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The Emo, The Sparkly Vampire and the Biscuit.
Fanfic"Your skin is... pale white, and ice cold. Your eyes change color... and sometimes you speak like - like you're from a different time. You never eat or drink anything; you don't go into the sunlight. I know what you are." "Go on, say it." "You're em...
