18 Letters to You [Completed]

THREE

Stella

Rory's letter says I'm coming to get you and I'm not sure what that means. Does he mean he is jumping on a plane, train, bus, and actually, physically coming to get me?

The thought of Rory physically being here with me fills me with so much excitement and dread and fear.

I've never been fearful of seeing him before.

But nothing is the same.

He didn't abandon me when he left here a little over two months ago. He went to chase his dream a dream that was too big for me to follow along. And he knew that and he understood that and I understood why he had to go.

But Rory did abandon me when he chose not to call. When he chose to try living his life completely separate from me when we promised we'd spend our lives together.

Maybe dreams have to be chased when kids are in their twenties and promises as big as the ones Rory and I shared shouldn't ever be made until those dreams are fulfilled. Until those kids have had the time to truly live.

We've never lived apart and maybe that hasn't really been living.

My heart pounds loudly and my fingers shake as I dial a number so familiar it almost hurts. But he doesn't answer. He hasn't answered in over two months.

So I call Perry and he answers immediately.

"Hey Stella," his cheerful voice makes my eyes water.

"Hey," I reply then clear the thickness out of my throat.

"Are you okay? Is Caleb okay?" Perry asks immediately.

"Yes and yes," I say.

"Then what's wrong," I can see the way his eyes are wide and his mouth sits in a soft frown in the way he speaks those words. I can see Perry so clearly when I close my eyes and I can continuously hear his voice in my head. But I can't see or hear Rory at all.

And I wish I could explain that to Perry, but I can't. We're best friends. I know everything about him from the way he used to eat ants to the first time he ever had sex to every single thought and fear Perry has had. And he knows the same things about me.

But I can't tell him how I feel like I'm falling apart without them because I know he'd come back and I know Rory would come back and I'd be the reason their dream ended. I'd be the reason they couldn't live the life they've--we've-- always dreamed of.

"Where's Rory?" I ask.

There is a long pause before Perry says, "in his room. Hold on."

I hear a mumble and what sounds like the very familiar noise of Perry and Rory arguing with each other.

"Stella?" And all the feelings rush back in a tidal wave. Every time he's held my hand, the time he kissed me in the middle of our high school math class just because "he felt like it," every time he has held me as I cried over Caleb, every time he has told me he loved me. Everything comes back when he says my name.

And that's when I know.

That's when I know that I have to let him go before everything we are swallows us up.

"I can't do this anymore, Rory," I say trying so hard to hold back my tears but failing. They stream down my cheeks, I hiccup quietly, and I wait for him to say something.

It feels like hours before he says, "what are you saying?" He doesn't sound mad or upset. He sounds defeated.

"I think we should end this. I think you should focus on what you and Perry are doing there and I should focus on what I'm doing here," I say in one breath. I say it quickly trying to get everything out before I suck it all back in and end up saying nothing at all.

"Why?"

"Because you deserve a life."

"So do you," Rory states. His voice begins sounding desperate, "is this because I haven't called? I can start calling you. I was just settling in, getting used to being without you. And the letters. Have you been getting my letters?" He curses quietly, "why am I making excuses with you?"

I don't think he wants an answer so I remain silent on my end. I run my toes through the carpet of our apartment making lines appear then erase them while I wait for him to say something.

Our breathing echoes in the silence.

"Stella, I miss you."

I close my eyes and I try to control myself. I try to keep myself from begging him to come home, "I know. And that is why I need to let you go."

"Don't do this. It was a mistake coming here without you. I know that now. I need to come home. I'll get on the first flight, okay?"

"No."

"Please?" He is crying now. I can hear it in his voice and I can hear Perry in the background asking what's happening and what's wrong and wondering why this is happening and why our family is falling apart.

"I love you, Rory," I say and hangup.

***

Do you think Stella made the right choice?

Thanks for reading/voting! :)

-Brooke