18 Letters to You [Completed]

Letter 11

Rory,

I'm not sure if I will give you this letter because you are sitting only a few feet away from me. You think I'm working on a new song. I have a whole notebook filled with new songs from these past few months. Songs that will hopefully help you and Perry make it big. And I guess will help me make it big too.

You told me we are going to start by figuring out where we went wrong and I think we went wrong when I decided to stay and you decided to go.

I didn't want you to stay but I didn't want you to go.

I didn't think it would hurt as badly as it did to be left behind. I wanted to believe that I was independent and strong enough to handle things on my own but I couldn't.

And I guess my dependency on you isn't a bad thing since you have never let me down before. I don't blame you for leaving and I don't blame you for not calling. It was a misunderstanding that blew up and turned our very predictable world upside-down

Maybe you are wondering why I finally decided to leave Caleb. And I'm still unsure of my decision.

Violet and I went to visit him and she spoke to him like I speak to him. We talked and laughed with him as if he was still the old Caleb and it was nice. It was so nice to pretend that we weren't in a sterile environment.

Violet said the same thing that everyone has been saying to me, "you can't keep putting your life on hold for him."

And I saw it in Violet's eyes how much she still truly loved Caleb that she was right. She could love Caleb and continue living, you and Perry could still love Caleb and chase your dreams, and so could I.

Caleb would want that for me. I've done all I could do for him. And I will continue doing everything I can for him. I will never abandon him like our parents did. I will visit and call, even though he can't talk back, and I will always let him know that I'm here for him.

But I have to live for him, for me, for you, for us, and for this baby

Love,

Stella