18 Letters to You [Completed]

Letter 17

Rory,

We are sitting in Caleb's hospital room in silence. The four of us. It is so different than the celebrating that took place only hours ago.

I feel like there is a brick sitting in my stomach, trying to hold me here. It's like this weight is telling me not to leave his side again. It's again a struggle between my heart and my head.

My heart is telling me that Caleb needs me and he will always need me. He needs me to talk to him and tell him that everything is going to be okay, he just needs to hear my familiar voice.

But my head is telling me that this was an accident and that it could have happened while I was sitting in that lonely apartment twenty minuted away from him or if I was in Nashville. My location doesn't matter; Caleb knows I love him.

The doctor told us they put him in an induced coma to save his brain from any more trauma. So we are listening to the steady rhythm of his breathing machine.

I love that you haven't let go of my hand since we left the apartment in Nashville. I love that you want me to know that you're here for me and that you won't let me go. I won't let you go either.

I promise, Rory.

When I decided to keep our baby I made that wholeheartedly. I will not go back on my choice. And I will not let her live without you, either. We both need you and you need us.

We just have to figure out how to fit Caleb into that. I don't think I can leave him again.

-Stella