18 Letters to You [Completed]

ONE

Rory

When I'm on stage I don't think about anything besides the music, the lyrics, the audience, and where the hell Perry is.

At least that is how it used to be and how it sometimes when the bar is packed, people are dancing, singing, drinking.

I forget about everything when the music connects me to them and them to me. I don't feel so goddamn alone all the time.

But nights like tonight when the bar has maybe twelve costumers that are sitting in various spots along the long bar that I remember.

I remember Stella's face when I left her in our apartment, I remember what Stella was wearing when she wrote the lyrics that I'm singing, I remember that Stella isn't here and I haven't spoken to her in two long months.

It's Tuesday nights like this that I regret leaving Huntington and wish I never made the journey to Nashville with Perry. I wonder if he feels the same. We try to avoid all conversation of Stella unless it has to do with her lyrics.

We finish the song, a few people clap, and I head towards the bar for a much needed beer.

The bartender, Kenzie, already has my usual waiting for me. I sit down, chugging half of it before taking a breath.

"Slow down man," Perry says walking over and ordering something non-alcoholic for himself. He sips his coke happily as he watches the other people interact. Perry has always been a people watcher while I never cared much for people besides Stella and him.

Kenzie puts another beer in front of me just as I finish my last sip. I take another long gulp before turning towards Perry, "I can't do these lame-ass weekday shows anymore.

Perry gives me this look that I know all too well, "When you have a record deal you can decide when you want to play."

I roll my eyes, "this is pointless."

"Gigs are never pointless," Perry argues.

"You consider this a gig?" I ask looking around the empty bar.

"You never know when a music executive needs a drink on a Tuesday night and here we are on stage making amazing music."

"Keep dreaming," I mutter.

"I will."

He is off and heading towards a table of two girls, they are already laughing and throwing their hair back before he says anything. Stella never did that. She didn't have to do any of that shit that girls think is appealing.

She was just everything I wanted. Want.

"You aren't going to get in on that?" Kenzie asks nodding towards Perry and the girls.

"Girlfriend," I say knowing that Kenzie knows this.

"How are you guys doing with the long distance?" She asks.

"Great," I mumble and finish off my second beer and get a third. That is obviously enough of an answer Kenzie needs when she places the third beer down with a smirk.

Perry drives us home from every gig because I'm too drunk and he's too sober.

"You gotta stop this," he says when we pull into the lot of our apartment. I look at him and don't say anything, like I don't know what he's talking about.

He turns to face me, I hate talking in a car. Everything is so close. There isn't enough room to stretch out or even breathe when Perry is looking at me like a disappointed father looks at their kid, not that I'd know much from that.

"I get it. I miss Stella too. But maybe talking to her would help, you know?"

"You don't get shit," I say.

"When was the last time you spoke to her?" He asks ignoring my outburst, like he usually does.

"When we left."

"Two months ago."

I nod.

"Call her," he says, opens his car door then slams it shut. I sit in the silence of the night and lean the seat all the way back.

He doesn't get it. He doesn't know what it's like to feel like you have no one and then finally have someone who actually gets it. I slam my fist on the dashboard, pain shoots up my arm, I curse.

I grab my phone, hold my finger over her name, I will myself to hit call but I can't.

I can't talk to her.

I can't hear her raspy voice that I've fallen asleep to countless times and woken up to. I can't hear her laugh and not want to rush right back to her. I can't do that to myself or to Perry. And I can't put our failures on Stella.

The three of us formed this twisted web caused by a childhood of abandonment and dreams that were always way too big. But the problem is that we relied to heavily on each other for way too long.

Now I don't know how to stand without Stella and Perry doesn't know how to make sense of words without her and I can't figure out a map without Perry and Perry can't find his way without me. Now we are a person down and things are already falling apart.

And it makes me scared to have to hear how Stella is doing without both of us.

When I finally make it back into the apartment Perry is sitting in the kitchen going through the mail.

He hands me a purple envelope with an all too familiar address on it and handwriting that I could forge in my sleep.

"If you don't want her anymore, end it. It doesn't make you a bad guy, Rory. This does. This not calling her crap, this avoiding her shit, that isn't who you are," Perry says on his way to his bedroom.

I hold the letter in my hands, like it weights thousands of pounds, like it could hold the answers to everything I ever wanted to know.

I take my time showering, brushing my teeth, changing, and laying down before finally opening the letter.

My heart breaks all over again as I hear Stella's voice in my head.

***

I hope you liked the first chapter!! Please vote and comment <3

-Brooke