18 Letters to You [Completed]

FIVE

Stella 

"I'm happy for them. I'm happy that they are going to figure out a way to make money doing the thing that they love. But I'm so sad that I won't be doing it with them.

"I was angry when I first heard the news. I know that is so wrong. They're my best friends I should feel nothing but happiness for them but I couldn't help but feel anything but happy. They are finding success without me and I can barely find a way to leave the apartment.

"I know I'm jealous. I'm jealous and upset that they can be a huge part of why you are stuck in this hospital bed and they can leave and not feel any guilt over it. I could never leave you and not feel guilty for it, Caleb.

"Rory says that he can find you somewhere to live in Nashville but I don't know if uprooting you is wise."

Caleb's eyes look from me to around the room as he takes in everything I'm saying. At least I think he's taking in everything I'm saying. I imagine that we are underwater trying to communicate but our words can't reach each other.

Dr. Robinson walks in and smiles at us both, her brown curly hair is pulled up into a loose bun, "where have your friends been, Stella? We miss having you all around."

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that," I say taking a deep breath before I lose my courage, "would it be possible to move Caleb to a different facility?"

Dr. Robinson's blue eyes widen then narrow slightly, "locally? Is something wrong?"

I shake my head, "no, not locally, Nashville. Everything here is perfect but I might be moving."

"It's something we can definitely look into. We'd have to find a bed for him and transportation will be difficult."

"But it's doable?"

"Yes. Difficult but doable," Dr. Robinson says nodding but still looking unsure.

"Stella you've done so much for Caleb. More than a lot of people do for their family members in similar situations, as sad as that is. I know you aren't asking for my opinion but I think he'd understand if you went and he stayed here."

My eyes fill with tears as I think about Caleb here alone all the time. How can you leave family behind? How can I abandon him like our parents did to us?

"I don't know if I can do that," I say taking in a shaky breath.

Dr. Robinson places her hand gently on my shoulder, "It's just something to think about. We love having Caleb here and I know you'd visit every chance you could."

I look at Caleb again at his eyes that still look so much like the Caleb I remember from growing up and I break down. The rest of him is unrecognizable but his eyes are still him.

I think and Perry and Rory continuing to move on without me and it hurts just as much as leaving Caleb behind will.

But can I really continue sacrificing my own happiness?

Dr. Robinson leaves shortly after our conversation leaving Caleb and I alone again, "I don't know what to do," I say simply.

He is getting tired. I can see it in the way he no longer makes eye contact with me. Soon he will be asleep and I will be on my way back to my empty apartment.

When I get back I make myself a quick dinner for one and reread Rory's letters, his voice filling my head and my heart.

How can I move on without Caleb?

How can I move on without Rory?

**
Do you think Stella should move to be with Rory and Perry?
Thanks for reading/voting :)