Love or Lust?

Love or lust? Chapter 24

The next morning Ciel is awoken by a hot, wet touch licking his face. Ciel groans and reaches out, his hand finding nothing but fur. "Pluto...what are you doing?" Ciel opens his eyes to see the massive hound laying next to him, panting happily.

Pluto barks and wags his tail, smacking Ciel in the face as he does. Ciel chuckles softly and grabs Pluto's tail. "Hey now be careful." Ciel was always good with dogs after all it's not like he could be around cat's. He didn't like cat's much anyways. They were to much like him they were unpredictable and wild. Dog's were much easier to understand and much more loyal than a cat could ever be. He loved having Pluto around it reminded him of how things were before the fire....but now everything was different.

Ciel looked down at his hands and sighed seeing the black nails the sign that he was no longer human. He bit his lip hard, fighting back tears. It still hadn't sunk in that he wasn't human anymore but with each passing day he came to accept it more and more though it was a hard thing for one to accept.

Pluto nudged Ciel's face noticing that he was sad. Ciel placed a hand on Pluto's face "I'll be alright...."

Just then there was a knock on the door. "May i come in?" It was Tanaka bringing Ciel his morning tea.

"Come in." Ciel managed to pull off a straight face, not showing any emotions as Tanaka walked into the room, holding a tray in one hand. He set the tray down and looked Ciel over. He noticed the black nails but said nothing. "How are you feeling today?" He asked as he started to remove Ciel's nightshirt.

Ciel thinks about it for a moment wondering how he should answer. "I'm.....fine i guess." He mumbles.

"Just fine?" Tanaka raises an eyebrow, looking at Ciel with a serious expression on his face. "Tell me what's wrong then."

Ciel shrugs, looking away from Tanaka. "I'm not sure how i feel really. Everything seems so unreal to me it's like im trapped in a nightmare that i can't wake up from. Why was i saved that day? Just so i can live out my life like this?" Ciel holds up his hands, looking at his black nails as he talks.

Tanaka walks away from Ciel, listening to him speak but not saying a word. He picks out a black outfit for Ciel and turns back to him. He nods once Ciel is finished speaking. "If you ask me i think any life that you can live is a life worth living. You are a very strong boy and you have been through so much. Having a moment of weakness every now and then is expected. Don't be so hard on yourself, master."

Ciel sighs and puts his face into his hands "No it's not ok...nothing about this is ok. My life...i have lived it for one reason and that's to get my revenge...now even once i achieve that goal then what will be there for me....nothing but a endless life of regret and sorrow."

Tanaka takes a steep closer to Ciel, holding out the outfit for Ciel to get dressed into. "Do you regret your life up until now? Do you wish you hadn't survived that night?"

Ciel helps Tanaka get him dressed, considering Tanaka's words. Did he regret being alive even if now he was living his life as a demon? No...he wasn't upset that he was still alive. So if that wasn't what was wrong then what was? He thought back to what Sebastian said to him. About how they were lovers....if that was true then why couldn't Ciel remember it? He had yelled at Sebastian and said some things he might regret.