End Up Here

Heights?!

Chapter 6

Erica's POV:

"This is all your fault." He yelled. I stand there letting it happen.

"Is this all you do. Just stand there. No wonder your mother left. Who could ever love you." My brothers were at our grandmothers house.

"You are no daughter of mine." The voice yelled in the back of my head... then it changed

"To think I called you my girlfriend. Look at you. Emo. Your such a freak."

"How can you listen to that shit."

"Your music saves live. Ha okay."

"Shut the fuck up. Quit crying."

I woke up and walked to the bathroom. Look at you Erica. Your a mess. A big crying mess. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I held in the sobs so I didn't wake Jade up. I walked back to my room and set up my camera. I looked at the time. 1 am. I sighed and hit record on the camera.

"Hey guys, recently something has been bothering me. I told you all that my depression has decreased since high school and honestly.... I lied. Its been getting worse. I was put on anti-depressants again. This time its higher." I said. A lump in my throat started forming.

"I've tried so hard to not let it bother me, but I can't. It just pops up and I hide it. I haven't told anyone about this. I kept pushing it away thinking Hey..... maybe if I don't think about it. It'll go away." My voice cracking.

"Truth is. It's been killing me. I've been going to my therapist more often. I've been talking to my brothers more..... to find out. That my brother Dustin was sent to the hospital for a drug overdose. He lived, but having this happen affected me so much because I'm now afraid he could relapse. Lance is scared and Kyle is breaking. I'm not as strong as I was in high school. I'm breaking more easily." I said in tears.

"If I seem off on tour. Please don't feel as its your fault. All I need is your love and support for this band. I love you all so much. We all can get through this. Erica out." I said wiping tears away. I stopped recording and hooked it up to my laptop. I edited the video and posted it to my personal channel. I tiled it "I'm not as strong as you think- Emotional Talk-". I look at the clock. 3:30 AM. I look at my bags and start packing again. By the time I was done the clock read 5:50. Just in time. I put on sweat pants and my Supernatural Uggs. I grabbed my cut-off and walked to Jade's room. I hear my video playing and I walk in.

"Why didn't you talk to me." Jade said. I look down.

"I know I should of. I'm sorry. It's just." I started.

"I know. It's been tough. I'm still here for you." Jade said. I shook my head. The door bell went off and we grabbed our suit cases. We open the door to see Haydn. We hug her and we get in the taxi. We finally get to the airport.

"Did I ever mention that I hate heights." Jade said. Haydn agreeing with her.

"We are so fucked." I said.

"Planes are death traps." Haydn said watching one leave. "So about your video.." She trailed off.

"I promise next time. I'll talk to you two about it. It's just this band was such a big thing for us. I didn't want to ruin the moment." I said slouching in my seat. I felt a hand rub my back.

"Flight to London, UK is now boarding" We got up not waiting for the guys. We got into first class and sat in our seats. When the guys came on they saw us and smiled. I looked down not really wanting to communicate. They sat in there seats. It went Me,Ashton, and Luke. Haydn and Calum. Jade. Then Mike in front of her. I put in my headphones and turned my phone on airplane mode. I silently thanked myself for bringing my sketch book with me. I grabbed my art supplies and started drawing. Luke pulled out one of my headphones and taps me.

"Yes." I said looking over at him.

"So about this video you posted at 3 in the morning." Luke said.

"You watched my video....." I trailed off.

"We all did." Ashton said.

"Oh." I said pulling my beanie down more. "It's personal."

"Why did this start happening?" Luke asked.

"It's a long story. It goes back to when I was 12." I look down. It went quiet and I went pack to drawing. I bite my lip trying not to think about the video. Maybe I should take it down. I tap my pencil on my book and close it. I look at my phone.... few more hours.

"We have time." Ashton said. I shifted in my seat and bounced my knee.

"If you want too." Luke said. I took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled.

"It all started when my brother Kyle was born. He's the youngest. It goes me, Dustin, Lance, and the Kyle. My parents were never happy with each other. When I turned 12.... my mother walked out. She blamed it on me. She slapped me before she left and then my father disowned me. I was told I was only staying around so he didn't have to take care of my brothers. I didn't have friends. No one talked to me. I was the shy emo kid with straight A's. My mom died. My dad took it hard. He took it out on me. Calling me things. Wishing I was never born. The moment I got my first boyfriend. I thought he would everything better. He just made it worst. I had suicidal thoughts all my life. Youtube and the band where my only escape. My brother Dustin... he took drugs. He overdosed a lot. Almost dying every time." I said. I bit my lip. I took another deep breath."Every day I would write in a journal. That's where all of the sad and depressing songs are from. If it wasn't for me meeting Jade. I think I would had ended it."  They just sat there in shock. I put my headphones in.

I hate heights.