déjà vu ✗ riarkle

what do you want.

I know the "what do you want" is very notebook style but I don't really think it's in the same context but it really needed to be put in this story so... enjoy! ♡

[FARKLE MINKUS]

What does she want from me.

Riley Matthews the most intelligent, beautiful, funny girl has been toying with me for the past two months.

I want to know if what she says is real or if she is platonic with me.

Because when I look at her I can only see the girl I have been in love with for more than a year now and not just a friend.

I miss us and I want more.

[RILEY MATTHEWS]

I sat in the library rewriting the same paragraph trying to find the right wording.

I picked my phone up.

Riley: hey, you promised to help me... you still want to grant the promise?

Farkle: yeah! Where are you I'll meet you

Riley: I'm at the library in the back at the table. There's only one so you should see it.

Farkle: okay ;)

I set my phone down and continued what I was writing. I felt myself dosing off a bit. I swear I fell asleep on my hand because I was awoken by Farkle sitting in the plastic chair.

"Hey!" I smiled while moving the lined paper in the middle of us.

"Hi, how has your day been?" He asked happily. I looked at the paper in frustration then back to him.

"it's been okay." My voice getting quieter and less peppy. He furrowed his eyebrows at me about to ask something. "I'm writing about the importance of family... I just need your help. I haven't seen my parents in three years Farkle, all I want is to know is what it feels like to have two supporting parents who love me for me."

He bit his lip before looking up at me. "I haven't seen my dad in a long time also, it hurts when you know he's still out there, yet doesn't have any interest in talking to me" i could tell he was getting upset. "That's why I love my mom so much, because I know she will always stay with me and support what I do."

I smiled for him. He's lucky to have one parent...

"but let me tell you this. The importance of family is not about wealth or the amount of things they give you. The importance of family is the unconditional love and care. When your parents think you're doing something stupid but they support you anyways, when they show and tell you how much they love you, and last of all... they don't make you feel alone, it's like there is always someone there to pick you up when you're down."

I felt like I was going to cry, he worded it amazingly... I connected to it. "Farkle..." I half smiled and put my one hand over his two.

"Riley, your parents would be the proudest people in the world if they could see you... because I know I am-" my breathing got heavier and I knew I had to do this I just knew. I can't hold myself back anymore.

I cut him off by holding his jaw and moving in so close about to kiss him. I could feel his breath on me. I felt like every time I tried to move in closer to connect our lips something was holding me back. It was so close yet it felt like a million miles away.

I knew I couldn't do it... not now at least. I slowly moved back. I sighed and opened my eyes.

"Riley." He said in a new tone of voice. I honestly never heard this one from him before. I didn't reply I just kept my gaze on his face. He stood up and pushed his chair in harshly before beginning to walk to the exit doors.

I quickly followed him. Once we got outside into the cold air he kept walking with me behind him. "Farkle!" I yelled. He kept walking. "FARKLE!" I grabbed his wrist and he finally turned around and I let go. I took a step back.

"Riley, what are you trying to do with me? I don't understand how you can just toy with me like that?!" His voice raising slightly. "I can't be around you if that's what you keep doing to me."

"Why!?" I said loudly. I don't even know why I asked that.

"What?" He said angrily.

"Why can't you be around me... do you hate me or are you done with me?" I said getting louder. He laughed out of spite.

"It's the complete opposite Riley! I'm in love with you! Is that what you wanted to hear, because it's true..." he took a step towards me. "I am still in love with you. So when you tease me and toy with me it only makes me wonder if you love me too or just want to hurt me again."

My breathing turned sharp. He loves me... I don't know what to say.

"So what do you want?" He said regarding if I want to be more than friends or just platonic. I stayed quiet shaking my head looking down. "What the hell do you want?"

It felt like I was trying to scream but nothing was coming out. I just want to tell him that he is all I need and want.

"fine, I get it. But just so you know... I am not going to wait around to hear your response. Goodbye Riley." He said obviously pissed off as he walked away.

My cheeks were numb from the cold that I couldn't even tell I was crying.

what is wrong with me?