Head vs Heart

The party

(A bit of sexual context)

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I couldn't careless how I looked like, I am going there by force not by free will. I feel a bit ashamed that my family has to go through this because of me, but if I had to chose between being human or werewolf , my choice would be pretty obvious.

My wolf is always upset , sometimes I need to run free , I usually do that at night so no-body see's me. The pull to the woods is like a magnet you can't repel such powerful force. I try to keep it in control but when the moon is full, I can't . My wolf is usually hurt a lot and very upset , that I don't let her run free like other wolfs. Every time I change which is once a month or so , it feel terrible like a monster rips through your body.

I met the Alpha before when I changed ,there had to be a ceremony to have the mind link but I run-away so no-one could read my thoughts or I couldn't read theirs.

I looked at myself in the mirror, my dark strawberry blond hair clipped up in a pony tail. My face without any make-up you could see all my imperfections, but who cares. I decided I will wear my ripped up jeans and a T-shirt saying "What are you staring at ?" at the front and the back "FUCK OFF!".

I took a big breath in and out , in and out. Took my raybans and my grey jumper and went downstairs to see my sister in a very short and tight teal dress, high heels and so much make-up you won't recognise her . The moment I saw her I frowned .

My father shouted " 1 minute left and we are going!!"

I sat on the sofa  and picked a random magazine. My sister saw me and spoke "Come on Bella, Let's have some fun! You can borrow my dress if you want just please don't wear this" She pointed at my me .

I shook my head and said "Isn't it enough that I am going to be there?" She didn't say anything . My mother came down , in a summer dress with high heels too but not as much make-up as my sister. She looked at me and smiled sadly. I stood up and made my way to the car .

The ride was silent but I enjoyed it . One thing for sure I found out that I have to stay until the party finishes. Why are they doing this to me ?! What have I ever done so bad that they have to torture me, I won't change my mind they should get over it .

We stopped at this big luxourious villa. My father turned to me and said "Bella , behave." He said it in a command voice , he never used it on me except today . I was a bit scared of that .

He made eye contact with me in the mirror which made me a bit terrified of what might happen if I don't. I took a big breath and told myself. 'Only one week more , one week only. I can do this, I am so close..'

We walked to the door and it opened the Alpha in his 40's , brown hair and deep green eyes. He was kind of big  and his shoulders where very masculine . I shook his hand   and then I turned to his wife Anna. She was a bit younger then him with perfect brown curls and a true perfect American smile. I shook her hand too. My father gave me a suspicious look, maybe he didn't expect it to go so well. The music was pretty loud, there was alot of people and sluts. You could smell the sex and alcohol in the air it was disgusting.

A guy with blonde hair adn brown came to be and slurred "You &me , upstairs?" raising his eye brow, I frowned and said "Fuck off."

I decided something if I want to survive tonight I have to get drunk. I went to the kitchen and found a bottle of vodka and beer ,I took it and grabbed a bottle of coca-cola. I looked around for the exit and found myself of front a massive swimming pool everyone jumping and dancing. I walked around and found a silent spot. I lay down of the grass and start drinking.

Because I am a werewolf and that disgust me , you have to drink alot to get drunk . So after I was done with my beer and the whole bottle of vodka I felt a little bit only tipsy . I had to get some more. I walked to find the way to my kitchen when I accidentaly bumped into him.

My wolf cried with joy, and screamed 'MATE! MATE!'

My whole body froze ,my eyes where wide open as I looked into his without blinking, the electric current run through my spine, my stomach twisted . The whole room froze. He stood of front of me with perfect brown curly hair, deep intense green eyes, his broad wide shoulders and ......

The next thing I notice his full pink kissable lips were against mine, his big masculine hands wrapped around my waist, without any hesitation I kissed him back. What hell was I doing??!!! He pushed me against the wall, nothing mattered anymore, his lips where perfectly synced with me. My body was screaming to be closer. My wolf was never so happy . I wrapped my legs around him, he caught my butt and with one hand and moved us to the bedroom. Then he laid me on the soft king-size bed and was on top of me, without breaking  the most passionate and desperate kiss.

My body felt like it caught fire, the desire was unresistable. He ranned his hand underneath my T-shirt and exposed my body with his hands, the strange part  is that I didn't stop him?!  He took my shirt off breaking the kiss, quickly he started to kiss me around my neck . I moaned as he sucked the spot the next thing I could feel the sharp teeth piercing through my neck , I moaned again but this time with pain. He did unhooked my bra and massaged my breast. I run my hands across his chest and with desire I ripped his shirt off.... One thing led to another , another led to another .. and to a stranger I lost my virginity without control...