Chapter 22- Cluttered EmotionsI had no idea how much time passed since I came back to my supposed house - completely drenched in the rain and shivering - and went up to my room without disturbing peacefully sleeping Maggie- and wept.
Wept like I hadn't wept in a hundred years. At some point, I was forced to cover my mouth so that Maggie wouldn't here anything.
The scene at the party the previous day kept on playing in my head again and again, as if a video was on rewind mode- a very bad, pain inducing, emotionally draining video.
I realised then how lucky goldfishes are- never being able to remember something for more than a few seconds. Life would be so painless, so peaceful that way. Now it seemed as if the things you want to forget are the only things you seem to remember more and more.
The times spent with Jasper, the times he called me something sweet, the efforts I made to win the dance competition for him. . . Where did it go wrong? Was I really a double-crosser? Maybe I should've told him before going to that café or to the beach with Travis. . . But what difference would it have made? He still would've blamed me for wanting to go out with Travis- I would've just wasted my breath. And it wasn't like we were on talking terms at that period. And Travis gave me what I needed most at that time- friendship, care, happiness. I felt like I could be myself with him without fearing about others- something which I never felt around Jasper...
... The point is, he never really understood me, never cared about what I wanted- But I, like an idiot, was blind to it. I was, without any doubt, desperate for him.
That is why I made the wish in the first place. My heart may deny it, but I knew I really had become desperate for Jasper. I couldn't bear the fact that he could be with someone else- that too, after rejecting me. I still had feelings for him at that time. I had the chance of being someone he'd love to be with- and I took it.
And now I was regretting it.
"It's no use now, it's no use" I said to myself as restrained tears finally fell down. I suddenly felt real weak- like a plate of china. Like I could break any moment.
"You never told me you are dating Travis too!"
As much as I hate to admit it, somehow inside my mind I knew that I was spending way more time with Travis than I was supposed to. I liked how he complimented me, how he made me laugh, how he made me forget that I was now someone he and most other people either hated or envied.
Maybe, I was starting to get a tad bit attracted to him but that's not entirely my fault either. Just because of a stupid little dance show, Jasper had made me go through so much pain and sadness- just one thing. He didn't even have the decency to visit me in the hospital. It is me who was betrayed, not him.
At least he could've cleared his illogical doubts privately, but no! He had to insult and humiliate me before the entire year. He had to make me look like a desperate bitch in everyone's eyes. Just because he thought that I was cheating on him.
I felt anger take over my mind and suddenly I threw Jackie's phone on the floor with much force, where it made a crashing sound as it broke into thousands of pieces.
Now that felt good...
... Wait. Am I being a regeaholic now?
"Why does everything have to be so complicated?" I mumbled in frustration to the ceiling, proving again that I was, indeed, going mental.
Just then I saw a small white creature squeeze in through the slightly ajar door. It was- as you've probably guessed- Rob, the Dalmatian. He sauntered slowly across the floor, paused to look around a little and then leapt up on the bed, which sunk under him a little.
During the first few days, Rob was quite hostile to me- and honestly, I literally hated him. But as time passed I became accustomed to his daily jumping, clawing, licking and barking. And maybe he too got used to me- practically a non expert in the pet-keeping department.
Rob came up to me and began licking at my tears. Somehow, I found this really sweet and it made me cry even more. I hugged him closer and began scratching his head gently. He made a soft yelp and stared at me with those persuasive, big brown eyes.
"You're so lucky Rob" I said to him. "You have no complains of your life. No matter what, you never wish you were something else, do you? You're always happy in the end"
He starts licking my cheeks again, as if to reply to my words.
"Oh dear" I exclaimed as a sudden wave of realization hit me that how so very stupid and naive I was to make the wish. That too because of a mere crush. Like, I could've wished that Hitler was dead before he became a dictator or something- anything but another life!
Panic arose as I thought over the entire situation. "I'm stuck.... I am stuck forever....."
A/N
Boo-hooo!:(:(
There's so much of sadness vibes all around tbh.. (v.v)Anywho, I hope you liked this 'thoughts' chapter though it's kind of a filler...♡♡♡ Next update is coming soon! After that there'll be the epilogue then a final author's note and then it's complete!!:D Maybe I'll post extras but I'm not sure yet but plzz plzz plzz do stay tuned!^U^
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That One Wish I Made ✔
Fiksi Remaja"Because sometimes, all we wish is to be someone else..." For 17-year-old Felicia Portman, being like Jackie Johnson was the most amazing thing she could dream about... Jackie is perfect- Good looks, good brains and a too-good-to-be-true boyfriend...