mellow

jū ni

yuanfen
can also be translated as "destiny, luck as conditioned by one's past," or "natural affinity among friends."
it is comparable to the concept of karma in buddhism, but yuanfen is interactive rather than individual.

C H A P T E R T W E L V E.
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dans pov.
phil quickly leaps off dan and runs out the room.
who was that?
"mum-"
"phil.. what are you doing? why are you running down the house?"
phil sounded like someone else. he wasn't the happy phil dan always saw, he had a lower voice sounded a lot more formal.
was it dan that he wasn't being himself around, or his parents?
"i want to say hello..."
he had a hint of anger in his voice.
dan heard a low sigh, coming from someone like an older male.
"don't lie to us..."
the living room door quickly swung open making dan jump.
there was a man, who had murder's eyes told his tale his tale of death and destruction.
-his eyes were blood shot with lack of sleep, with a band of slate grey circling his dilated pupils.
his stare was murderous and unforgiving. empty and frozen his stare seem to reach down into dans soul, through my very being distoying all traces of hope.
"this is my friend, dan, father." phil sighs walking into the room standing next to his taller father.
a cold sweat dripped upon his head. not the sweat from movement, but the sweat from anxiety.
dans heart pounded like a drum. he flickered his eyes uncontrollably.
why was he so damn nervous? it's just phils parents. he was going to meet them some time soon.
he thought he saw something moving, but it was just his own imagination, again.
then it was there again. he wiped his eyes so he could see straight.
he looked up and two shadows collided with his eyes, they were still there staring down at him, waiting for his to say something.
"i-i'm dan."
"what are you doing here, dan?" phils father spoke, his low voice scared dan. it sounded like his dads.
"we were just watching a moive, ok? can you leave us alone now, please?" phil orders, looking up at his dad.
phils pleasant demeanor slowly changed and his face contorted in an all - consuming anger; his nostrils flaring, eyes flashing and closing into slits, his mouth quivering and drooling, slurring words that were unintelligible came spewing into space like a volcano releasing its pent up emotions into the darkness.
he seemed angry, scared.
dan began to feel apprehensive as a new cloud of anxiety crowded over him.

what if his dad finds out?

he raised is eyebrow
-"philip, i want you to take him home now... we need to talk, ok?"
he cringed a little at the name philip. it was his name, obviously, but he was never called that.
"father, please, he's staying over tonight. we've already made plans-"
"-no phil. you do as i say. take him home. we can't trust you... remember what happened last time?"
there was to much conversation to focus on one thing.

it's your fault phil can't be happy. because you're here. it would be so much easier if you weren't.

"dad! that was before. anyway, why can't you just like me for how i am? why does that matter, anyway? i'm eighteen, now!"
before dan knew it, phil had grabbed his hand and was quickly walking out of the building.
"w-we can't be here, sorry." there was a tear in his left eye. is this what it feels like to phil when dan cries, like your walls are crumbling down and...

probably not

"b-but we could go to your house instead, i mean, if you want."
a shiver came up dans spine.
his house was nowhere near as significant or beautiful as phils, it was quite embarrassing, actually.
but it will do for a few hours, it did with some of his other visitors, anyway.
"o-ok. it's not that great though."
they seem tentative and awkward at first, then in a hastening host a whole brief army falls, white militia paratrooping out of the close sky over various textures, making them one.
snow is white and gray, part and whole, infinitely various yet infinitely repetitious, soft and hard, frozen and melting, a creaking underfoot and a soundlessness. but first of all it is the reversion of many into one.
"quickly, run! we're going to die of coldness!"
it is substance, almost the idea of substance, that turns grass, driveway, hayfield, old garden, log pile, saab, watering trough, collapsed barn, and stonewall into the one white.
the track blurred below them as he felt a surge of adrenaline. the steady thump of footsteps echoed in his ears and he felt a bead of sweat roll down his forehead.
the only things stopping him from victory was his physical limits and his competition, phil.
usually the snow stopped at that hour of the day, as if for a quick survey of what had been achieved thus far; the rare days of sunshine seemed to serve much the same purpose-the flurries died down and the sun's direct glare attempted to melt the luscious, pure surface of drifted new snow.
it was a fairy-tale world, child-like and funny.
meanwhile, boughs of trees adorned with thick pillows, so fluffy someone must have plumped them up; the ground a series of humps and mounds, beneath which slinking underbrush or outcrops of rock lay hidden; a landscape of crouching, cowering gnomes in droll disguises-it was comic to behold, straight out of a book of fairy tales.
was this a race now?
"s-stop... i-i can't.. b-breathe..." phil starts to pant. he tries to laugh but is to busy trying to catch air, he couldn't. "i hate sport so much."
he always said he hated his laugh, but every time dan heard him giggling through his nose, snorting adorably, he fell a little more in love with him.
he giggled, the sound like a brook flowing merrily through a well-lit wood.
his laugh was like a waterfall.
he sounded like he had something in his throat as he laughed.
his laugh, loud and throaty, didn't seem to fit him, really.
but dan, however, had a laugh like glass shattering: sharp, brief, and sudden, crashing to a halt.
phil chuckled slowly and warmly, reminding dan of honey. sickeningly sweet like honey.
dan just had a crooked little laugh to match his crooked little smile-
and his crooked little mind.
-it was strained, verging on the sound of someone choking, and obviously fake.
"you can't be out of breath yet!" dan yells "we need to get home! we're gonna freeze!"
he don't know why he found himself laughing so hard, but all of the sudden, he couldn't stop. his breath came in quick gasps between his unstopable giggles. tears gathered in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over.
what was so funny?
his laugh was like thunder; it was a low, rumbling boom.
dan hated his laugh. he never heard it often. maybe that's why he can't be happy?
probably not, he thought to himself.
"stop laughing at me!" phil continues to laugh, wrapping his arms around dan jokingly for support.
-he snuggles in, "you're the only person i know that gives indefinite hugs."
dan snickered, "well, love, where else would i rather be?"
in that moment the arms squeezed a fraction tighter and they both breathe slower, dans body melting into his 'friend's' as every muscle lost its tension to the winter air.
this was life, real life.
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