Youtubers We Love. [A Landon Austin Fanfic]

Chapter Forty Eight: Erika's POV

I woke up ages before Landon. It was our first Christmas together, how couldn't I be excited?! I decided I couldn't hold it in anymore. I jumped on his chest yelling, "BABY! IT'S CHRISTMAS! BUB!! GET UP GET UP!! Landon finally woke up, and I was as happy as could be. I totally forgot about everything else but him.

Landon: It's 9 in the morning! Why are we awake?

"BECAUSE IT'S OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS TOGETHER! IT'S A LERIKA CHRISTMAS!" I shouted out, waking up the kittens. He leaned up and kissed me, and I hopped off the bed, and ran int other next room. My plan worked, and I knew because I saw how happy and surprised he was when everybody yelled "MERRY CHRISTMAS LERIKA". Landon looked kind of embarrassed by it, but I didn't care, he'd get over it.

Jason: Gift time! I think Erika should go first...

Luke: Yeah! Erika, you first!

Landon: Yeah, but it's outside.

"You're lucky we aren't in Philly right now! If you stepped outside on Christmas day, you'd freeze to the ground." And I wasn't kidding. Last Christmas it was -7 out for Christmas. I felt Landon's hand wrap around my bum and walk me outside. It was kind of awkward because our friends were there, but I don't care anymore. When we got out there, I almost melted into a puddle, the car of my dreams was sitting right in front of me; a black 2013 mustang, brand new. I started fangirling over a car, and I could tell everyone had their cameras on me. I ran over to Landon, who was leaning on the wall, and enveloped him in a kiss and hug. 

"Landon! No! I can't even! This is too much!" I was turning into Tyler Oakley! The things I got him seemed so small now. 

Landon: Well, I can't take it back, so you better even. 

I took an Instagram photo of the car, then ran back to Landon. He handed me the keys, and I gave him another kiss, then felt another attack come on again... It's been a while since I had them, but every time I did, I never told anyone. I started shaking, and Landon took me back inside. I sat by the tree, trying to hold in my increasing anxiety, and watched everyone open their gifts. Everything was getting blurrier... I checked my phone to see an old friend commenting on Instagram. " @LandonAustin can't you see Erika is using you for your money? You said no sex until marriage and she's pregnant. It's obviously not yours. She doesn't really love you, I wish you would see that." I couldn't help but yell for Landon. The panic attack turned into a nervous breakdown, and I couldn't control my emotions anymore. Landon hugged me tightly, and it only made me cry worse... What if they were right? What if Landon would be happier without me? Happier with someone else? Someone without all these problems, someone who didn't tear every friendship he had apart... After some time he picked me up and carried us to our room. I heard him mutter sorry to the gang, which made me feel worse. Why should someone have to apologize for their fiance... Eventually I felt myself drift off, unable to breath anymore.. I let it consume me... I ran to the light... I saw my mom, my brother, and even my dad... I was speechless... They all shook their heads in disappointment. It wasn't my time... I waved goodbye, tearing up. When I woke up Landon was talking to the guys. I decided I would leave him a little note... Or better, leave everyone a goodbye... I pulled out my camera ever so quietly and began recording...

 "Hiya, Bub. Remember when I used to call you that... It was a while ago, huh... Maybe they're right, Landon... Maybe you're too good for me, I'm just a depressed freak. Sure, I make more money than you, but money can't buy happiness. I love you, you know that, but maybe you're better off without me. Maybe everybody is better off with out me. I didn't understand why everybody hated me, but, not I do, because quite frankly, I hate me too. Don't look for me, I'm better off alone, where nobody can hate you. Goodbye Landon... I love you..." By the time I was done, Landon was still talking to the guy, luckily he didn't hear me. Jason asked Landon how I was. I walked out and hugged him, whispering "Thanks for caring." 

I walked over to Landon's side, looking up at him. "Landon.... we need to talk..." He took me into the backyard and closed the door behind us... What I as about to say could change everything...

Erika: If I chose Brad, none of this would have happened...

Landon: Erika.... what are you trying to tell me...

Erika: Your YouTube career was perfect, and you didn't need to constantly worry about somebody. Your parents would still come for holidays, your sister would still love you, you would have a house, you-

Landon: Erika... what are you trying to tell me here? 

I stood up and looked down at him, holding back tears... "I'm sorry I ruined your life.." Then I ran.. Again... Just like I always do. I immediately regretted it, but it was too late now, I was 5 blocks down the road. I tripped and fell into a ditch, and Luke and Jason slid down after me. I just curled up and cried, letting it all out. My vision went blurry, and before I knew it, I was in a hospital room.

--------------Next Day--------------------

Doctor: Ma'am, you and your baby are okay, but be careful... What is going on? 

"I don't even see a reason to lie anymore... I just thought everyone would be better without me..." Now that sounds stupid... Thank you common sense for kicking in now.

Doctor: You have about 20 people out there asking for you... You really think that?

"Well, now I know how stupid it is... " We chatted for a while longer, then decided I wanted to see Landon... Yanno, an apology... He walked in and sat beside me, taking my hand in his, rubbing it with his thumb. I gave him the best smile I could... "I'm sorry Landon... I just thought you'd be better without me..."

Landon: I am nothing without you, Erika. Listen to me, no matter what people say doesn't affect what I think of you.

I'm not going to lie, it made me smile stronger, and he leaned down and kissed me. I wish it lasted forever, but it was interrupted by Luke, Jason and... JOEL! Him being here made me smile so brightly. Maybe I would be okay...

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Ye ol' update. So, this actually took A LOT longer than expected... Whoops.. '~'