Infinity .:Joshler:.

3

i sat on my bed eating a piece of pepperoni pizza while i read "Fahrenheit 451" with my speakers playing Green Day in the background. weird combination, i know. i heard a tap on my window. i looked over and didn't see anything, wondering if it was just a bug. turning away, i flipped the page in the book.

tap-tap.

i looked over once again and saw a small pebble being thrown at my window. i closed my book and stood up to walk over to the window. i opened it and looked down to see Josh.

"what're you doing here? it's not midnight yet," i said with a small smirk. he gave me half a grin before making his way up and into my room.

he made it inside and gave me another smirk, the moonlight hitting the tips of his pink hair, shining a pathway on him and to the ground, lighting up his tight, white shirt and muscles.

"checking me out Joseph?" he asked, cockily, snapping me back to reality. i pushed it off with a shake of my head even though i could feel my face heating up. he came closer and grabbed my face in his hands as he kissed me. softly at first but the next thing i knew, we were both sliding off our shirts and laying on my bed.

Josh continued to kiss my lips with his tongue making it's way in my mouth. he pulled away and kissed along my jawline and i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding. he slid his hands down the sides of my torso. i love this.

i opened my eyes slightly after saying those words in my head. i said it to myself again.... something isn't right. yes, i love this, but am i lying? i closed my eyes again and tried to focus on the moment as he moved to my collarbone, but nothing would work. i sighed.

"Josh wait," i say in between shallow breaths. i felt my eyes flutter closed as he sucked on my collarbone. he stopped and went back to kissing me on the lips.

i love this. no i don't. but i do, and i don't. i push on his chest and he stops and looks at me in the dark, from one eye to the other. the moonlight shined on the side of his face, causing himself to have that eerie glow again, and reflected off his nose ring.

"Josh i can't," i choke out. i felt a lump in my throat. god, i never wanted to do this.

"what? you can't do what?" he whispers as he got closer to my lips and connected them again. i pushed him away.

"that. i can't do that anymore," i said a little louder.

"why not? i thought you loved this,"

"you know i do, but this isn't what i wanted. i didn't want someone to hookup with whenever i need it and not stay the night, i want someone who will be there for me through tough times and will tell me they love me and stay with me, not just have me for sex,"

he leaned away and sat back so he was on my stomach, "oh."

"you knew i liked you, right?"

he shook his head, "no,"

"well, i did want this to happen between us, but i wanted you to be my boyfriend, but i can't ask. it would ruin your rep,"

he nodded sadly as he looked up and met my eyes with his. he looked back down at his thumbs and wiggled them a little before placing his hands lazily flat down on my chest.

"are you okay?" i asked quietly.

he shrugged, "i don't know,"

"what?"

he paused and opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it again. he thought some more then shook his head and closed his eyes, "i better get going," he mumbled.

he got off of me and walked over to his shirt in my room, using only the moonlight and my bedside lamp to help. a breeze came through the window and gave me goosebumps up and down my arms as i sat up. he put his snapback on his head and gave me a small glance before jumping out my window, without a "goodbye" or "see you tomorrow". not even a wave, and he was gone.