Infinity .:Joshler:.

19

for the rest of the day, i got to play Mario Kart 64, drink hot chocolate after being out in the snow for 3 hours, and just being able to be with Josh through it all. the last thing i remember was trying to keep myself awake and not have to go through those terrible nightmares again, but i was already asleep from my drooping eyelids.

this time instead of me dying, it was me getting my heart broken. it was me back to when i was running away from everyone and hiding but Josh found me.

"i can't believe you did this! you really think you can just run away from your problems? thanks for making me worried!" Josh shouted at me and i felt tears running down my face but he wasn't having that, "you're such a fag. i can't believe that i ever liked you, let alone loved you,"

he was then pushing me away and i lost my footing as i sat there in the grass staring up at him in shock, "Josh what are you doing? you know i still love you!"

"well i don't. leave me alone, i don't ever want to talk or see you ever again. just go kill yourself like you've always wanted to."

then he was walking away.

i shot up and looked around the room for Josh, but he wasn't there, "Josh? Josh?"

i felt panic start to creep into my mind and telling me that it was all real. i didn't even take the time to notice i was in his bedroom because i was too busy sobbing and wondering what is wrong with me. it's crazy how a panic attack can start that quickly. the room started to dim and i felt a warm and itchy feeling all over my body, like i was sweating after a long run in the winter. my neck felt tight and breathing in was a struggle.

"Ty?" i heard a voice say from down the hall and rush into the room by opening the door. it was Josh.

"oh my god-" i said but i choked on my words from my breath getting heavier by the second.

"hey, Tyler, look at me," he pleaded as he leaned down next to me but i couldn't focus on his face. he put his hand on the side of my face and guided it to meet my eyes with his. his face was completely full of alert and sorrow, with his eyebrows furrowed together. i stared at him as the room wasn't so dark anymore. it all went back to normal. i took in a breath and closed my eyes.

letting out the breath, i wiped the tears off my face with the back of my hand. he gave me time to let out my last shaky breath as i opened my eyes again, "Josh, am i crazy?"

"oh no, not at all," he cooed as he rubbed my cheekbone, "you're just a little broken right now and we need to fix it. we're broken people."

i nodded and sniffed as he asked, "what's going on?"

"i don't know Josh, i wish i could tell you but i don't."

he looked in my eyes, searching to find the truth i was hiding behind all these lies, but he gave up when he couldn't find it there, because it was the truth. i don't know what's going on, why i've got all these nightmares.

he sighed, "you need to see a therapist, Ty."

my eyes widened, "are you kidding me?"

"we need to figure this out-"

"you just want some sleep don't you? that's why you're doing this!"

"oh cmon Ty, you know i care about you, that's why i'm doing this,"

"whatever, i'm not going,"

i started to stand up to leave but he stood up too and grabbed my hand, "oh yes you are."

"Josh, we have school, now let me get ready."

he let go and i walked into his bathroom and locked the door. jesus, what the hell is wrong with me?

///

i stepped out of his car in the parking lot. i already had a bad taste in my mouth and we weren't inside the building yet. Josh grabbed my hand and we walked inside together. holding my breath, i watched as everyone, i repeat everyone, stopped what they were doing and stared or whispered something to someone close. Josh pulled me further down the hall.

"is this what it was like when i was gone?" i whispered as we quickly went up the stairs, "yeah but that doesn't matter. let's just try and get through this day okay?"

i nodded and he gave me a peck on the cheek before he walked away. his face was still healing, which might be another factor to why people were staring, but i doubt it.

///

"fag." i heard a voice sneer from behind me at my locker. oh no. i turned around slowly and saw the one and only, Brendon fucking Urie. i rolled my eyes.

"what do you want Brendon?"

"you took my best friend and made him gay,"

"hey, he decided to be gay on his own,"

"whatever, no one is going to believe you,"

"good," i closed my locker door and started to walk away when he shoved me. i turned around, "dude, what th-"

i was punched in the nose. i brought my head down to wipe my nose and it tickled when i felt the blood running down, "what do you want from me? i never did anything to you!"

"this world would be better off with people like you living on it," he placed his finger in the middle of my chest and pushed me.

"yeah, i've already thought of that but i'm still here, and i'm not going anywhere,"

"we'll see about that," he turned to walk away but i shouted after him, "Josh will kick your ass if you lay another finger on me!"

"whatever you say, fag."