I'm Not Gay

I'm Not Gay. Finally Got Rid of That Lie.

I'm Not Gay. Finally Got Rid of That Lie. (Sam)

It wasn't easy for me at first.

To walk down the hallway and see Dean constantly avoiding me. In fact, it hurt the first two days. Almost like my heart was being squeezed, played with while he seemed perfectly at ease. Stop caring so much, I'd tell myself. He clearly doesn't.

But it hurt.

I never expected to actually lose Dean when I told him to leave me alone. I thought we'd make up the next day. Two days tops. But he couldn't even look at me and it caught me off guard every time it happened. Was this it? Were we strangers to each other now? Is that what he really wanted?

"Sam, you need to stop focusing on it," Gabe frowned, arm thrown over my shoulder as we walked out the schools front doors on the third day of silence between Dean and I. "He's not worth it, man."

And if he had said that to me three days ago, I would've pulled away and told him to leave. I would've said that Dean IS worth it. He's worth everything. Because he used to be, but now... I was pretty sure I lost him, and the part that really hurt me? was that he seemed so okay with losing me.

Don't you dare cry Sam.

"Care to distract me then?" I asked softly, smiling a little at the excited look on Gabe's face.

"Depends...how do you feel about frozen yogurt?" And then he went off about how there was this new shop in town that just opened up, and how you could order any combination you want, and the entire time he talked I kept telling myself that this was the right thing to do. That Gabe was good for me and that Dean wasn't. That I really should start forgetting about Dean, because I bet you...

 he's probably not even thinking about me.

-

We ended up staying out till around eight o'clock, and that was only because my phone had died on the drive there and I could barely function without it, or else we definitely would've stayed out longer.

"You sure you don't want me to walk you to your door? I hear it's really romantic for some reason," Gabe teased, waggling his brows at me and I rolled my eyes, hopping out the car and jerking my backpack over my shoulders.

"Uh, yeah, I think I'll pass. You ate licorice earlier and those lips aren't getting anywhere near  mine." I smiled at him, ignoring his half hearted whines as I shut the door and waved him off. I sighed wistfully as I watched his car disappear down the street, feeling my heart warm.

Maybe I really can do this, I told myself, walking up my driveway with a smile on my face. I didn't even think about Dean the entire time we-

"Sammy?"

My smile fell, my eyes widening in surprise at the sight of Dean sitting on my front steps, cheeks pink from the wind in the air, hair disheveled in a way that said he's been waiting out here for way too long.

"I..." What was he doing here? "What do you want?" I glared, gripping the straps of my backpack tightly between my hands. He couldn't just...he couldn't just come back here out of the blue. That wasn't fair! I was doing so well without him and now...

"I wanna talk." I chuckled bitterly. "I mean it, Sam."

"Oh, really? After three days of nothing and now you wanna talk?"

He winced. "I...shit, Sam. I know you hate me right now, but I can explain everything, okay?" He glanced around us. "Look, can we at least go inside?" I narrowed my eyes. "Please, Sammy? I've been waiting out here for hours, man. I wasn't sure when you were getting back...you never responded to my texts."

Damn it. Play the guilt card why don't you? I sighed, weakly debating with myself for a moment before I nodded. "Alright, alright. Follow me," I mumbled, brushing passed him and trying to ignore how my heart raced. I unlocked the door and gestured him in, shutting it behind us.

We stared at each other for a moment.

"So..."

"So..."

 I sighed. "What'd you want to talk abou-"

"I accept you, okay?" Dean cut off, his eyes flickering between mine. I blinked at him. "I, uh, know you're probably pissed as hell at me and I don't blame you, Sam. It really shouldn't have taken me three days to say that, but I didn't want to lie and tell you that I was okay earlier if I really wasn't, you know?"

I eyed him wearily. "You were avoiding me like the plague," I said slowly and he nodded in agreement.

"Because I didn't want you to see me before I had made up my mind. Cause not to sound like a dick or anything, but we both know you would've apologized to me if you had seen me." I twitched at that, because as much as I wanted to disagree with him, he was right. I would have, because it's like Gabe keeps telling me. Dean's my weakness.

"So you'll stop trying to set me up with girls?" I clarified, seeing him nod quickly. "And you'll stop saying I'm not gay?" He nodded again. 

I sighed, "I swear, if you pull this shit on me again-" I started.

"I won't, Sammy. I promise," He cut off, flashing me a smile. "Now...uh, should we hug? Let by gones be by gones?" He opened his arms  and without a thought, I walked into them, almost like it was instinct. And as we hugged, his warm familiar arms wrapped around me, it was like I knew. I just knew that I couldn't run away from this.

I'm sorry Gabe, I thought, snuggling into Dean, but Dean...he will always be worth waiting for.