I'm Not Gay

I'm Gay, but I'm Not The Only One

I'm Gay, but I'm Not The Only One (Sam)

My first reaction was to punch him, and so that's what I did.

"What the hell, Sam?" Castiel gasped, cupping his nose as blood poured out from it. "You seriously think I'm lying to you?"

"No, I know you are," I spat, wrinkling my nose when he pulled his hands away to gesture at himself.

"I'm Gabriel's brother. Why would I say that if it wasn't true?"

I looked away. "I don't know...but I know you're lying." He had to be, because if what Castiel was telling me was true then that meant...I shook my head. "If you're not going to tell me what's really wrong with Dean then I'm leaving." I rushed over to his bedroom door and pulled it open, about to head out when his hand shot out of no where and hit my chest.

"Sam, I'm not lying. Dean likes you."

I stiffened. No, he couldn't, I kept telling myself, staring down at the floor. Dean wasn't gay. He couldn't be. He dated Lisa. He fucked girls, not... "If what you're saying is even remotely true then why wouldn't he tell me then, hmm? I'm his best friend-"

"Oh, are you? Cause last time I checked, the second you got with my brother you tossed Dean aside." He ducked when I swung my fist around again, my eyes meeting his blue ones. "Sam, stop! You know what I'm saying is true! You left him, and if what I've observed is correct, you know exactly how it feels to like someone who doesn't like you back." I swallowed, lowering my hands.

"Since when?" I asked softly, seeing him relax when he realized I wasn't going to harm him any further. It's not like I believed Cas. Hell, I wouldn't believe anyone unless it was Dean himself who told me, but a small part of me, the small part that I've been trying to get rid of for weeks now, wouldn't just let me walk away without any answers.

He sat on his bed, wiping his bloody nose on his t-shirt. "About two weeks ago," he replied, my eyes widening at his answer. "And before you ask why I or he didn't say anything... One, he told me not to tell you. And two...he didn't want to say anything unless he was sure he was gay. Or uh, bi, in his case."

Two weeks ago, though? That was around the time Gabe and I had started dating...Oh god, I swallowed. The exact moment I started shutting him out too.

"Sam, look, I..." Cas sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know you hate me, and honestly? The feeling is mutual. Not only because I know you don't like Gabe as much as you pretend to-"

"That's not true-"

"but also," he pressed, shutting me up with the look he gave me, "because I think it was a dick move of you to push Dean away and not tell him why."

I clenched my hands. That little...he had no right to judge me! It's not like Dean was the only victim here! I was too! I've spent years pining after him; years watching him go from girl after girl and never looking at me the way he looked at them. And yeah, okay, maybe it wasn't nice of me to go ignoring the guy, but I was tired of waiting. I was tired of hoping that we'd become something more!

"He hurt me too, you know," I glared and I hated how Castiel nodded calmly at that, like he expected that reply.

"And Dean knows that too." I blinked at him. What? "I had to tell him. He kept saying how afraid he was that you wouldn't like him back, and how he didn't want to eff up your guys' relationship, so I had to tell him that you liked him back too."

Dean knew? This entire time he knew?

"Look, why're you telling me this?" I asked after a moment, trying to ignore how my heart clenched when I realized the look in Dean's eyes from earlier were because of me. "You said it yourself, you hate me."

"I do," he said, looking down at his hands now, "but Dean's my friend, and he's hurting, Sam. Hurting the same way you've been hurting since I don't know when." He peeked up at me. "I'm telling you because I want you to be with my brother because you genuinely care for him, because I want him to be your first choice, not your second." He paused, both of us stilling when we heard the back door open and Gabe call out my name.

My hands shook.

"Sam?" I glanced back at him. "You need to make a decision. No more lying to yourself. No more hurting people. Make a decision now before you lose Dean and hurt my big brother."

"Sam?" Gabe called out again and I squeezed my eyes shut. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.