I'm Not Gay

I'm Not Gay. I Don't Even Like Skittles.

I'm Not Gay. I Don't Even Like Skittles. (Dean)

My hands cupped his face, lips dancing against his and the more I leaned towards him, the more he leaned right back. It was weird. It was hot. It was confusing.

I didn't know what to think.

I was expecting this to be disgusting. To pull away from Cas and say 'yeah, man, you're right. I'm not into dudes,' and to laugh it all off like this was nothing.

But I wasn't pulling away.

In fact, he was the one who pulled away, and when my eyes caught sight of his swollen pink lips and stormy blue eyes, something stirred in my stomach. "Wow, that was actually really nic-"

And then he slapped me.

"I can't believe you!" Castiel hissed, shoving me back so he could stand and I stared at him in shock, one hand on my lips and the other touching my cheek.

"M-me? You're the one that slapped me, dude!" I huffed, ducking when his hand came towards me again. "Cas! Relax! Gods, what's up with you?"

He stared at me incredulously. "What's up with me? What's up with you?" When I just stared at him in confusion, he glared. "We literally came here to talk about you and Sam and now here you are kissing me-"

"I don't like Sam."

"How do you know? A few minutes ago you were telling me you weren't gay either." He snapped.

"I'm not! I don't even like skittles!"

"Yeah, you ar-wait what?"

I rolled my eyes. "Cas, I'm not gay. I can't be." He raised a brow as if to ask 'and why the hell not?' "I still find girls attractive." I told him and he frowned.

"Then maybe you're bi. Look, that's not even the point here," he cut off when I was about to speak. "Point is, I was just here to talk to you. Not so you can use me as your little lab rat." He huffed, going over to pick up his backpack off the floor. "I'm not some guy you can play tonsil tennis with whenever you feel like, Dean." He spat out, face ducked down as he walked passed me.

I blinked at his words, pushing myself up and rushing forward to grab his arm just before he reached the door. "Hey...look at me," I said softly, feeling his body tense beneath my hand and when he didn't move, I sighed, using my other hand to grab his chin and tilt it up. "Cas, I'm...I'm sorry okay? I should've asked before. I was just...I was just confused and I really really thought I'd stop after the first kiss." I admitted, letting him go now and stepping back. "I just don't know what's going on anymore. I...after Sam told me he was gay it's like everything is changing and I don't know what to do anymore." I fell back on the couch, putting my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees.

This was all just so confusing. Sam was the gay one here, not me. I liked chicks, not dicks. Yet here I was just kissing random guys now apparently, and don't actions speak louder than words?

"Dammit, Dean," Castiel sighed, my eyes peeking open to see him drop his backpack on the floor before he turned towards me. He still looked a little pissed off that I had kissed him, but his eyes no longer held the anger in them that was there before. He shook his head and sat down next to me. "You wanna know what I think?" He asked and when I nodded slowly, he met my eyes. "I think that you're finally realizing things you never focused on before. I mean, before Sam came out, it was always just you two. Sam wouldn't date other people, and I think you were okay with that. But now? He's out and he's dating Gabriel, and I think that you're so afraid of losing Sam, that you're finally seeing how much he means to you." 

I swallowed. "Do you...are you...are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Castiel gave me a sad smile. "I think you like him, Dean."

I stared at him, his blue eyes looking into my green ones, and a part of me knew that he was right. That I wouldn't have ever gotten so jealous of Sam and Gabe if they had just been friends. If Sam had just stayed straight. But problem was, he wasn't straight, and they weren't just friends. They were dating.

And I hated how upset that made me.

"Cas?" I asked quietly, seeing his eyes soften.

"Yeah, Dean?"

"I don't wanna be a skittle." Not when the skittle I liked liked someone else, I thought bitterly.