I'm Not Gay

I'm Gay. He's Curious.

I'm Gay. He's Curious. (Sam)

"So...if I look under your mattress right now am I going to find gay porn?" I choked on my popcorn, glaring at Dean from on top of my bed as he sat on the floor beside me, eyes twinkling with amusement. "What? I'm just curious."

"Do you really wanna find out?"

He wrinkled his nose, turning his attention back to the TV. "No thanks, don't wanna scar myself." He paused. "Not that there's anything wrong with gay porn," he added quietly and I wanted to smile at that.

It seemed like Dean was really trying to make me feel comfortable here. After our three minute long hug, Dean asked if he could spend the night, which might not seem like anything to anyone else, but to me? I knew exactly what it meant. He was trying to show me that he really did accept me for being gay. That he was okay with sleeping in the same room as me- in the same bed as me, because it didn't change anything between us.

And god dammit, if that didn't make me like him more...

"So...you really wanna take it up the ass?"

I choked again. "Dean!"

"What? I'm serious! I heard it hurts like hell." I glared at him. "Okay, okay, I won't ask." I sighed in relief. "....so does that mean you're a top then?"

"Oh for the love of god..."

He laughed, leaning his head against the side of the bed near my arm. "You have no idea how much I missed this, man." I raised a brow. "Oh, you know what I mean. Us, Sammy.  I missed us."

I blushed, ducking my head in hopes that my fringe covered my face. "You act like it's been years," I managed out and he snorted.

"Trust me. Any time I spend away from you feels like forever."

I internally groaned, hating how my  heart warmed at his words. God dammit, Dean. Why are you making this so hard for me?

"But you really wanna know what bugged me when I was gone?" I glanced at him curiously. "That you got yourself a new best friend. Why the hell are you hanging out with Gabriel Novak?" I rolled my eyes. I was wondering when he'd bring that up.

"You know why, Dean," I told him, but then again, after tonight, I wasn't sure how much Gabe and I would hang out anymore.

"Well, yeah, I know why,  but I mean, like..." he waved a hand, "why him? He's annoying!" I raised a brow, watching as Dean crawled onto the bed so he sat on the opposite side of me. "Don't tell me you're into guys who still watch SpongeBob and wear dorky clothes."

"So what if he does? There's nothing wrong with him. Gabe's a really nice guy, Dean. I'm sure if you talked to him-"

"As if I'd ever talk to that guy now," he cut off, eyes flashing. "He kissed you without my permission." I blinked at him. What?

"What?" I repeated out loud and he glared.

"That night at the party. You were supposed to be kissing a girl that night, remember? And then he just saunters in like he owns the joint and smacks his lips on yours!" I was so confused right now.

"Wait, you...you hate him because he kissed me?"

"Well shouldn't you?" I titled my head. "Sammy, you wanted your first kiss to be special, remember? and Becky shouldn't count because she's a girl, but Gabe? He's not, and he stole your first boy-kiss. And I thought you'd be more upset about that when I pulled you out of the house that night, but you seemed...happy." He wrinkled his nose, as if that thought bothered him.

And all I could do was stare at him in shock, because I wasn't sure if this was just me, but this shouldn't bug Dean as much as it was, right? "Because I was pretty sure I knew I was gay after that," I said slowly, picking my words carefully. "And then when we...when that happened between us, I didn't have a doubt in my mind anymore. I was happy because I didn't have to wonder who I was anymore."

His eyes fell to the bed. "I was kind of a dick about this whole gay thing, wasn't I?" He frowned and I nodded.

"Yeah, you were...but you were just trying to do what was best for me, Dean. I know you were."

He smiled a little and peeked up at me, emerald green eyes staring into mine. "Hey, Sammy?"

"Yeah, Dean?"

"Should I start calling you Samantha from now on?"

I grabbed the pillow from behind me and threw it at his face, laughing at the oomph sound he made. 

I love you, you stupid, hopeless, jerk.