I'm Not Gay

I'm Not Gay. Is that What You Want To Hear?

I'm Not Gay. Is that What You Want To Hear?

I was nervous. I'm not gonna lie. Not because I didn't think that this Riley girl wasn't good enough for Sam, because she totally was, but because I knew that the second Sam saw her he'd know exactly what this was.

I just hoped I was right about this.

I kept telling myself that over and over again as we walked towards the restaurant doors. Don't worry. Sam won't be mad. When he finds out how not gay he is he'll be thanking you for this. But for some damn reason, I kept feeling incredibly guilty, and it only got worse when Sam and I walked in and he caught sight of the two girls sitting at the table for us.  The way his face sort of shut down was a dead give away that he was not happy. However, Sam being Sam, forced on a polite smile when the girls looked at us.

"Dean, Sam! We were starting to wonder what happened to you guys," Lisa smiled, being as sweet as always. I forced a smile back at her, scanning Sam's expression when he looked towards Riley, but again, the smile he wore was fake compared to the anger brewing in his eyes.

"Yeah, uh, sorry about that. You know how Sam is though, always takes forever getting ready."

Riley giggled at that, shaking her head a little. "Trust me, I know. I have chemistry with him and his partner always looks likes he's gonna gut him when we have to get our lab coats on."

Sam's expression softened ever so slightly. "I thought you looked familiar..."

And I don't know if it was just me, but this sounded like the perfect how we met couple story for Sam and Riley. They seemed to get along really well with each other, and I was so focused on watching them, that Lisa had to steer my hand back to my plate sometimes when it'd miss. I just couldn't help it though. They looked so perfect for each other. And by the end of the night, when I was dropping the girls off, I really believed that I did the right thing here.

"So I'll see you in class tomorrow?" Riley asked Sam, a shy smile dancing on her lips and he nodded, waving at her from his seat up front.

"See you, Riles."

She beamed at him and got out the impala, giving him one last wave goodbye before I pulled out her driveway.

It was silent for a moment.

"So....she's nice huh?"

"Pull over."

"What?"

"I said pull the damn over!" Sam snapped and my eyes widened, my foot hitting the breaks just as Sam swung open the door and got out of the Impala.

"What the hell, Sam? At least wait till we're completely stopped-" I flinched when he slammed the door shut, cursing when I saw him start to walk away. Shit. "Sam! Sammy, wait up!" I shouted, shoving my keys in my pocket and chasing after him. I grabbed his arm, wincing when he slapped my hand away from him. "Sam, come on..."

"You know, I really thought you were okay with this," he chuckled bitterly, body turned away from me so I couldn't see his facial expression. "I really wanted you to be okay with this."

"Sammy-"

"And to bring Lisa into this? Knowing how she feels about you...how could you do that to her?"

"Sam, look I-"

"I'm not gay," he snapped, turning around so his eyes glared into mine.

I blinked at him. "W-what?" 

"Is that what you want me to say, Dean? That I'm not gay?"

"Sam-"

"What'd you expect? That you can throw some hot girl at me and suddenly I'd like chicks now?"

"I just thought you needed to find someone-"

He barked out a laugh. "I can't believe you still believe you're doing this for me! Don't you see, Dean? This isn't because you think I'm not gay." He took a step towards me, leaning down a little so his face was in front of mine. "It's because you don't want me to be gay."

I flinched. No. No this wasn't about that. "You got it all wrong-"

"I kissed Gabe today." My eyes widened. "I kissed a guy, Dean, and you wanna know something?" His eyes watered. "I liked it. I like him. And the second you get that through that thick skull of yours, then come find me."

He shoved me back then continued walking down the side of the road, shoulders hunched as his figure slowly disappeared, and I think the really messed up part of this night was that I let him leave. I let Sam go. Because as much as I wanted to deny it, I think of part of what he said was right.

A part of me wishes Sam wasn't gay.