Only You

Chapter Twenty Four

Chapter Twenty- Four

Ally

            My days seemed blurred together. I had the same routine: wake up, eat breakfast, take care of the hospital bills, take a nap, eat dinner, and go to bed. In my head I wanted to do all of these fun things and be able to move on and know that my father was in a better place and I have a healthy life ahead of me. Instead, I think about how my father is never going to see me go off to college, he’s never going to get to see me get married, he’s not going to see Tyler happy and he’s not going to be here. It was difficult to grasp, something I told myself would happen and now I cannot handle it now that he’s gone.

            Ryder’s mother moved in after the funeral. She slept in the guest bedroom and helped Tyler and I understand the medical bills and our meeting with my father’s lawyer about his will. There were so many details I had to think about the medical bills, the cost for the ambulance coming to the house, the cost of his surgeries. The numbers were just piling up on each other and I was becoming overwhelmed. My father had enough money saved, but that did not mean his bills were already cared for.

            Tyler and Adam have been taking it slow. Adam had unofficially moved in and slept with Tyler ever night, never leaving his side. Tyler seemed to be improving and handling his loss easier with Adam around and for that, I was grateful. Adam had convinced Tyler that he needed to see his therapist more often than he was after his last visit to the hospital and surprisingly, he did it without question.

            I haven’t cried since after the funeral. I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to happen, but I just felt numb. Ryder never left my side and at night, he’d hold me in his arms tightly as if I’d break overnight. The simple act made butterflies swarm in my stomach and it made me realize how lucky I am for him around. Ryder cautiously mentioned my father every now and then. It was still hard to use my father in a past tense and it seemed as if we were going to wake up and he would be right there.

            Ryder had jokingly made a big fuss about his mother living here because now we cannot…get it on…but I know he was trying to lighten the mood. He hasn’t tried to take our kissing too far and honestly, sex was the last thing on our mind. I was lucky that Ryder was very patient about the situation and he was trying to deal with our loss also, because I know I was not being a fun person.

            It had been almost a month since I had last dressed up, and considering that was the funeral, I was going to try to do something with myself. I needed to stop acting as if my world ended. I missed my father more than anything and I still wasn’t sure how I was going to handle him being gone but I needed to pick myself up and look at the bright side. My father was in a better place, he was cancer free; I had a roof over my head, a brother and an amazing boyfriend. It was going to be hard but I needed to do something.

            Before I could talk myself out of it, I climbed out of my perfectly warm bed and hopped in the shower. I scrubbed myself harder in the shower, as if I was scrubbing away some of the sadness, and hoped that today could be a brighter day. Ryder’s mother was at work all afternoon and he was probably out for his usual mid-morning jog. Changing into some brighter clothing, I skipped downstairs to find a very hot and sweaty Ryder chugging down some ice-cold water. I could feel heat rise to my cheeks when he shamelessly skimmed by body and looked up at me with a confused expression.

            “Is there something I forgot about?” He asked cautiously. I laughed at him and slapped him in the arm.

            “No, stupid, I just wanted a change for once.” I shrugged. He eyed me suspiciously but eventually let it go.