Fighter (Anthony Rizzo)

Forgiven

Camilla

"Alright, deep breaths Ms. Mathews."

My first chemo treatment since 2005 was today and Anthony insisted on being with me. In fact, the only time he ever leaves me is for games. I don't remember much from the last time I had to do this, but I do remember how much it sucked. I feel a sharp pinch in my back and inhale deeply. I can feel the powerful drugs being released into my body and pray that my body will still accept it. It's so quiet in the room and I'm just praying this won't last forever. A while later I feel the needle slide out my back and I let out a deep breath. They sit me back up right and I sit around for a little to make sure my body accepts the drug well enough to go home and rest.

"How do you feel?"

"Like there was just a needle in my back injecting a potent drug throughout my body."

"That's crazy, that sounds exactly like what just happened" he jokes back and I lightly push him. I'm a lot older this time around and I understand a lot more. Humor was a great way to go about such a dark topic and Anthony was the perfect person to give me a pick me up at the right time. It helps to have Anthony around because he can put a smile on my face no matter how much I don't want to.

The doctor comes back and checks some things before telling me I'm good to go and am due back in two days for my next treatment. Three treatments make one round and I have four rounds before getting re-tested. Long road ahead...

We get home and I collapse on the couch while Anthony makes lunch. Usually I make the food but he once again insisted on making it and I had no energy to argue so I let him go. He comes back into the living room with a ham sandwich and chips and I happily accept the food. He hands me the plate and a water and joins me to watch some sports center.

"Aren't you going to eat anything?"

"I'll just grab something before the game."

"Here, have half my sandwhich."

"No no, you need the energy."

I look at him and raise my eyebrow. Since when did he ever turn down a sandwich. We've been dating for what, five months now, and he's never turned down food. I know he's still beating himself up for what happened in St. Louis but I was past it and I hope he was too.

"Listen Anthony, you don't have to prove your worth to me. I know you're a great guy and not some ass hole who goes out and gets drunk and cheats all the time. It was once, I know it was a mistake. I don't want you to feel like you have to make anything up. You don't have to walk on glass around me."

"I did a really shitty thing. No matter what you say I'm going to hate myself for what I did to you. I know I hurt you and I promised I wouldn't. I hate knowing that I caused you any sort of pain. And you were really sick on top of that. I mean this could have turned out way worse. You don't deserve all this."

"And you don't deserve to feel like you constantly have to try and make up for what you did. That's not a good relationship, and that's not how we work. We work best when we work with each other, not for each other. I took this ring from you as a promise to love you and everything that comes with you, forever and always. Nothing about that has changed."

He lets out a loud sigh and takes half of my sandwich before taking a big bite out of it causing me to giggle.

"See that wasn't so bad."

"It was pretty tasty actually."

After much fighting I finally get Anthony out the house and to the game. I get that he doesn't want me by myself but I'm not a child going through this for the first time. I'm older and stronger, I can do it.

I watch the game from the comfort of the couch and decide to do something I haven't in a while. I grab a drawing pad and pencils and return to my spot on the couch. I wasn't sure what I wanted to draw but I usually put pencil to paper and let whatever happens happens.

I watch the game and continued to be impressed. In August they were 22-6 and it looked like September would be good too. The game ends with a win and I continue to draw while I waited for Anthony to get home.

Anthony returns home shortly after the game ends and engulfs me a big hug.

"Wow, I've missed you too" I laugh.

He lets go and places a kiss on my lips. Someone is being friendly.

"Good job tonight. Someone wants a golden glove."

"Eh, I try. What have you been doing all night?"

"Decided that if I have to go through chemo again I'll pick up drawing. Just sketching right now."

"Can I see it?"

"Of course."

I toss him the notepad and he studies the picture.

"Wow, this so good. It looks just like me" he says pointing to the drawing.

"I usually draw something that I'm fighting for. Something that keeps me going, that I look forward to. And it's you..."

For a second he just looks at me, I'm not sure what he's doing but he just stares.

"How come you forgave me so easily?"

"Because Anthony, as much as I love to act like I don't need anyone and I'm okay on my own, I'm just not. I need someone who cares about me and understands the way I think. I know that I won't ever find someone who loves me the way you do. I would be stupid to let you go. Now if you do it again it might be a different story."

"Oh trust me. I'm probably not even going to touch another alcoholic beverage again."

I let out a yawn and suddenly feel really tired.

"Are you ready for bed" he asks and I nod. He picks me up and carries me to our room, by the time he sets me down I'm halfway asleep and he tucks me in.

"Goodnight, Fighter."