Sleeping with Naill Horan

~Chapter 25~

Everything is moving along well but let's face it I miss all of them. It's quiet here and it gives me a lot of time to think about everything. Our bean is growing and it's hard to put into words the way it makes me feel. Ash and Niall have called every day and it's nice to hear from them, but I call Harry at least once a day and today is not different. He picks up faster than usual today and he's out of breath.

"Hey, Paige"

"Hey Harry, you busy? You sound busy."

"No I wasn't near my phone when I heard it but how you doing?"

"Ok I guess, I miss all of you."

"We miss you too. What are you doing right now?"

"I'm about to make lunch for little man and I then we're going to the park."

"That's sounds like you have a good afternoon planned."

"We do, I just wish it felt fun."

"I know what you mean, believe me they talk about you all the time. Ash says you've been feeling a bit off, you sure you're ok?"

"I just miss them and am beginning to doubt that it makes me a good mother, agreeing to send his father's far away for a long time."

"I see. Let me tell you that no matter what this tour wouldn't have waited for you to be ok or ready. I do want to tell you that you're an amazing person. You're raising a beautiful boy with two men who don't always see eye to eye on the way things should be. They don't fight in front of you but they do fight. You're also a great mother and wife, Ash is lucky to have you. Believe me when I say there are times we all doubt what we're doing. I know Ash has been on edge a lot lately and I'm not sure what's going on."

"He's nervous and I know it's because I've been doubting myself a lot. I'm also really lonely and not sleeping well. It seems the only time I can sleep is if I'm in the rocker with Vander."

"That's a special time for the two of you that's why it's easy for you to relax because once he's asleep he won't know if you've messed something up."

"I just feel out of it."

"I'm going to ask this because it seems it would fit. Are you sure you're not pregnant?"

"No, I'm not sure. I have an appointment in a few days." I lie

"Let us know what's going on. Ash seems to think this will pass but I'm not so sure."

"I'm not sure either. Thanks for chatting, I'm going to go and get out of this house for a while."

He hangs up the phone and I'm left to my thoughts again. Knowing I lied to Harry is killing me but I'm not ready to tell all of them. Vander's just over a year now and I don't want to hear their opinions on being pregnant already. I know we haven't been married nearly long enough but at this point we knew what we wanted and it was only a matter of time. Vander and I eat lunch before we wonder out to the park. It's a bit colder then I would like it to be for us but we're here and he's swinging. One of the other moms I've met along the way is in the same spot I am. She's not pregnant but her husband is a Navy Seal and he's not home more often than he is home. We talk a lot about this and that but the topic today is how she finally heard from him.

"He's been busy with his special training and he's sorry he didn't write sooner. He hopes we are doing well and he send his love."

"That's a short letter." I say to her knowing I talk to Ash longer then it took him to write that letter.

"It's always been that way. The next one will be longer because he'll be on break from the training and he'll be able to think about things other than that. How is your husband doing?"