Finally Soulmates

Part 27

A/N: all credit to Black Veil Brides. Trigger warning.

I open my lungs, dear, I sing this song at funerals... No rush

James sat through Tara's funeral, wearing all black. He didn't want to be here, sitting through the torment of the death of his loved one. After all, it almost always hurts more afterwards.

These lyrics heard a thousand times, just plush.

A eulogy rang out to the crowds talking of how amazing she once was, although multiple people didn't really like her due to angst issues. It has all been heard before. James knew many people that died and this merely reopened his wounds that he'd never wanted opened again. Once more, he was aware of everyone's own mortality including his own.

A baby boy you've held so tightly, this pain it visits almost nightly.

James remembered his own childhood, remembered his mother holding him as a baby, remembered the day she died, remembered the funeral, remembered the arguments, remembered the divorce, remembered his new stepmother. Remembered his nightly ritual of crying. And he never got to tell Tara a single thing.

Missing hotel beds, I feel your touch.

James remembered the nights that he and Tara would run away to hotels and have those special moments together. He closed his eyes and saw her staring back at him. She leaned in and touched his face.

I will await dear, a patience of eternity, my crush.

He swore that night he'd wait for her to finish college, her goal, and they'd work together, her an actor, him a singer in a band.

A universe so still. No rust.

Yet here he was, at a funeral, time frozen with misery, tears and wasted memories, broken promises and unfulfilled wishes. An embalmed body in a coffin open to the world to see, her broken body that gave her no grace. In his memory, he'd see her face smiling perfectly towards him.

No dust will ever grow on this frame.

Her pictures stood on a table in front of the coffin, starting with her as a child, smiling with her dad, going through life smiling less and less, and ending with her and James smiling to each other.

One million years, and I will say your name.

Once the funeral was over, James drove home and sat on his bed, then fell on his side and curled into a fetal position. How else to deal with finding out that your life is a lie and your loved one had died. After a million years of longing, James screamed out, tears finally letting themselves go. He cried out Tara's name.

I love you more than I can ever scream.

James realized that he would disturb Benny, and Sebastian at this rate, so he ran to the opening on the side of the road where he and Tara stargazed multiple nights. He screamed as loud as he could, falling on his knees and screaming nothing at the sky. "Tara," he whispered, "I still love you."

We booked our flight those years ago.

He remembered planning with Tara a trip to gather all the money they could and then drive until they were out of gas and stop there for a while, see the sights there, and now he wasn't able to do any of that.

I said I loved you as I left you.

James loved Tara. It was a fact. He never got to say it before she left. It was his fault now for hesitating so long.

Regrets still haunt my hollow head.

There was so much left to do, but at the same time, there was nothing. Without her, the world was nothing. Everything was nothing.

But I promised you that I will see you again.

With a small voice, broken from screaming at the dark sky, he whispered, "I will see you again."

Again.

He walked back home with an idea forming in his head.

I sit here and smile, dear.

James sat down on his bed once more, a pencil and paper in hand. Smiling through the tears.

I smile because I think of you and I blush.

James thoughts turned to Tara as he wrote what he intended.

These bleeding hollow dials, this fuss.

He had no intention to cause a fuss like her family did, now he could see why she wasn't fond of her mother and sister no matter how much she loved them.

A fuss is made of miles and travel

Just to think his life had come this far and she'd been the only real positive thing in his life. Yeah, there was the band but it's falling apart, each had separated before they ever got to publish.

Roadways are but stones and gravel.

They weren't going to miss him, he'd just been trouble anyways. God help these guys get through life with their loved ones, hope that they won't lose each other like James lost Tara.

A bleeding heart can conquer every crush.

James's heart was bleeding out, dying on it's own, heartbreak was taking a toll on him as it had his whole life. This time, though, he was done.

...Regret's no longer in my head.

He finished the note and left it on the table top, then he gathered the supplies he needed.

But I promised you and now I'm home again.

Everything was ready.

Again.

He stepped on his bed.

Again.

He stepped off.

I'm home again.

"James?" Lindsey pushed open the door. And screamed. James was hanging on a rope by neck, his face was pale. Kelson ran into the room, found the sight and pulled Lindsey away from the view, then he called the police. It was reported a suicide by the note, so they left the police to do their work.