Letters To A Stranger

Just a little bit of you heart is all I want

It was 4:55 pm when Even arrived at the address Isak had texted him. Due to the fact that he was grounded, he'd told his parents that he was working on a biology project after school. They'd believed him.

Even leaned his bike against the wall next to the front door and pressed on the small button where among two other last names, it said 'Valtersen'.
A wave of excitement flew through Even's body as the door made a buzzing noise. He pressed against the door knob and the door opened.
Even looked at a rather long staircase, leading up to an inconspicuous looking door.
As he made his way up the first few steps, the door opened.

Isak stood in the door frame. He wore a grey jumper, jeans and a red snapback.
Even found it suddenly very hard to breathe. He forced his feet to step up the rest of the staircase and finally came to a stop in front of the younger boy. Isak didn't look at him and seemed to find the floor very interesting.

"Uhm.." Even began, his voice shaky. "Thanks for..meeting me." he continued. Isak looked up. Even couldn't read the expression on his face. His eyes were a bit puffy. Had he been crying? The thought of that made Even's heart hurt.

"Come in." Isak said after a few seconds of silence and stepped aside, so that Even could walk through the door.
Isak led him through a small hallway into his bedroom.
Even examined his surroundings. In the middle of the room was standing a queen sized bed, onto it blue and cream striped bedding. To the right was standing a yellow nightstand with random stuff on it. Even's eyes went back to the bed. He wished he could just grab Isak and throw him onto there and then cuddle him to death.
Isak's voice pulled Even out of his thoughts.

"So.." Isak began, slowly sitting down on the bed. Even sat down, too. Not too far away from him, but not too close.
"..what exactly happened that night?" he continued asking, biting his lip. He looked nervous as hell. What was he so afraid of?
Even took a deep breath, then he told Isak everything, from him standing in the bathroom crying and begging Even to sleep in one bed with him, over his Romeo impression, to the way he spooned him when they were falling asleep.

When Even was done, Isak remained silent. A few seconds passed by and Even could easily see how torn the younger boy was. Isak's hands were lying on his knees, where he gripped the fabric of his jeans so hard his knuckles turned white.

"Are you okay?" Even asked after more seconds of silence, causing Isak to jerk his head up. He looked directly at Even. Never would the older boy forget the look in his eyes as Isak said the next words. His eyes were full of despair, hurt, fear, but at the same time full of desire and longing.

"I'm not gay." he said, looking down again.

"I never said that, Isak." Even answered hesitantly, his brows furrowed.
So this was what it was all about? Isak was afraid of being gay?

"I don't.." Isak spoke up again "..like you in that way." he said, his voice breaking a few times. He sounded like he was about to cry. Even wanted to say something, anything, to calm Isak down, but the younger boy continued speaking.

"I'm normal, okay? So can you just back off and find another victim you can stalk?" he said, still looking down.
Wow, that hurt.

"Well, first of all, being gay is nothing to be ashamed of. Who even says what is normal and what is not? We are all different. But most importantly, we all have the right to love and to be loved. So Isak, why don't you grow up and be mature enough to accept who you are?" Even said with fierce in his voice. 'Being normal' was Even's sore point, because he was the complete opposite of 'normal'. But he didn't care. He was who he was.
Even waited for Isak to respond, but the boy remained silent, looking sincerely taken aback by Even's little speech.

The next thing that happened caught Even completely off guard. He had expected Isak to get up and throw him out, but instead, the boy spun around and threw himself into Evens arms.

"I'm sorry" Even heard Isak's muffled voice say into his t-shirt. "I'm sorry." he said again. Even, feeling a little bit overwhelmed, slowly lifted his hands and put them on Isak's back, rubbing them back and forth softly.

"It's okay." Even whispered and had to restrain himself from kissing the younger boys head. "It's okay." he repeated and hugged Isak closer, wrapping his arms tightly around him.

For a while, the two boys remained in that position, Isak lying in Evens arms.
Then, after some time, Isak let go of Even and lifted up his head. He snuffled, which Even found extremely adorable, and then grabbed a tissue from his night stand.

"You..uhm..wanna talk about it?" Even asked carefully, as Isak sunk back onto the bed. Isak hesitated. "Okay." he finally said with a shaky voice.
Even lay down next to Isak. They looked at each other for a while, then Isak began talking.

"Lately I...I just don't know who I am anymore, like I..can't seem to find any real purpose in life." Even just looked at him silent. "Everyone around me is trying to figure out who they are and what they want to do once they finish school and I'm just feeling so pressured by trying to live up to everyone's expectations that I find it hard to enjoy life itself. It's like everyone's trying to make me into something I'm not. How am I supposed to figure out what's wrong and what's right on my own when the society judges me for everything I do? How do I figure out.." Isak gulped and looked away "..what I am feeling when I am afraid to do so because of what others might think?" Isak looked back to Even, as he whispered out the last words.

His dark eyes were full of sincerity. Even's heart flattered in his chest. He knew exactly how Isak felt, because he was going through the exact same thing. Although Even knew who he was, for his whole life the fear of not fitting in has haunted him. The fear of being rejected because of so many reasons.

Even slowly lifted his hand to reach out and gently stroke Isak's cheek, just like he did when Isak was asleep in his bed, a few days ago.

"One thing I know for sure, is that learning to accept yourself is more important than making people accept you. Because, if you don't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?" Even asked letting his thumb linger on Isak's cheek.
To Even's surprise, Isak also lifted his hand and put it over Evens.

"Thank you." Isak then said, his lips curving into a tiny smile.

Even smiled back and for a moment, as they looked into each others eyes deeply, the boys felt like they didn't meet just recently, but have known each other for a lifetime.