Letters To A Stranger

The rhythm of my heart, you came along and changed it

Isak looked at him, his eyes full of expectation. Even didn't know where to start. He was so scared that Isak would be afraid of him or leave instantly. He was so afraid that every little piece of self-esteem Even had built over the years would be destroyed once Isak would reject him.   But there was no other way, he had to tell Isak the truth. It needed to be done, better sooner than later, when it would be too late.
Pulling himself together, Even began talking. 

"When I was thirteen, me and my parents used to visit this little village in the mountains on vacation. One day, we went to this really deep ravine. There was a path which lead through the ravine, and it was secured with a wooden fence.
As we walked for a while, I saw an old and musty looking pendant bridge out of wood, which connected two edges of the ravine.
The bridge was behind the fence and there was a sign which said 'Warning! Do not enter'.
I remember looking at the sign thinking 'I love a challenge' and so I quickly climbed over the fence as my parents weren't looking and entered the bridge."

Isak gasped at Even's last words. "Were you insane? That's so dangerous!" 
Even just laughed dryly and went on.

"I remember looking down into the gorge, which was very deep and there was a river with a lot of rocks at the bottom, but I didn't feel afraid, I felt so euphoric and full of adrenaline. My parents screamed at me and my father tried to go after me but he knew that if he stepped just one foot onto the bridge, it would probably break. So they were just standing behind the fence, shouting at me, begging me to come back.
I remember feeling very offended because they didn't have enough trust in me. That they thought I couldn't do it.
My mother always says that, since that day, she believes in miracles, because it really was a miracle that I safely reached the other end of the bridge and got onto the path there.
Just one day later, we were told that the bridge broke apart during a small storm, that's how unstable it was.
Every time I think about how close I was to death at that moment, I still get shivers."

Isak looked up at Even, his mouth hanging a little bit open.

"After that day, my parents started to question my strange behavior. They asked me why I did what I did, if I was weary of life. I remember how my mum cried into the shoulder of my dad, asking me 'why?' 'why?' over and over again.
If I think about it now, I feel so guilty, but at that time, I didn't understand why they were so upset. I just didn't get why there weren't proud of me like I was of myself.
In the following days, things really went downhill. I remember feeling so tired and exhausted, I had no motivation for anything at all. I didn't even want to go to the lake, which was like my favorite place in the world.
So instead, I just spent day after day in bed. My parents tried to talk to me, but I didn't say a word. I felt so empty, so hollow.
Because of my behavior, my parents suggested that I had some rare disease or something, so we ended our vacation earlier than usual and got back home.
Then one day, not much time had passed since the vacation, mum came into my room and said that she needed to talk to me. She told me that she'd spoken with a friend of her's who is a psychologist and that she told her about the way I acted on vacation. She went on and said that her friend told her that my behavior was rather similar to the symptoms of a..." Even hesitated, his voice shaking. "Of b-.." Even continued stammering, his voice suddenly very shaky.

He closed his eyes. "I had a lot of symptoms of a bipolar disorder." he finally said, trying to sound calm.
Even waited for Isak's reaction, his eyes still closed. He didn't dare to open them and see the expression on the younger boy's face.
But Isak remained silent.
After a few seconds, which felt like hours to Even, he couldn't bear it anymore, so his eyelids slowly fluttered open, releasing the sight of Isak's blonde hair beneath him.

"Isak?" Even asked, his voice soaked with fear, despair and a desperate plead to Isak that he will stay, because Even needed  him to stay. He needed  him to understand.