Letters To A Stranger

I'm falling for your eyes but they don't know me yet

"Dear Stranger,

You won't ever read those letters, those words that I am writing on the paper right now. You will never get to know me, look at my face and know the story behind it. You will never touch me, hold me, feel my skin on yours.
You'll never know my name.
And you shouldn't. It would be wrong. Because I'm not supposed to feel this way.

I already have someone in my life to have those thoughts about. Someone to love, to cherish, to adore.
For all those years, she has been the one for me. Sonja. She has been standing by my side, never giving up on me, even in my darkest of times. And there have been a lot of dark times.
I have never looked at anyone thinking of something more than being friends, because being with her, I never thought of having anyone better in my life. I mean who else could love me, a lanky, strange guy with a broken mind?
No, but really, there's nothing special about me.
You see, there's no point in acknowledging me.
I wish you would though. Just once, maybe.
Just once, turn your head a little bit to the side and look at me.
Look me in the eyes with your own hazel ones. And maybe, somewhere in a parallel universe, you could even gift me with a smile. Because your smiles are one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen.
Today I saw you in the cafeteria. You were looking so damn cute, laughing with your friends and eating the cheese toast you bought. I wish I could make cheese toasts with you, so you wouldn't have to eat those horrible ones they sell there, I mean, can that even be called food?
Anyways, I saw you sitting there with your friends and I really had to pull myself together so that I wouldn't walk up to you, make a bad joke and ask for your name.
You probably would've just stared at me and then laughed at me.
My ego would have been crushed to pieces. I may look like a confident person, but the truth is, I'm nothing like that.
Okay, there are always some girls looking after me and flirting with me, but I know they wouldn't be doing that anymore if they knew who I really was. So, instead of walking up to you, I turned around and went over the guys I have made friends with.
That was the last time I saw you all week. But, I am hoping that tomorrow, I will see your beautiful face again.
It's a little bit pathetic to admit, but at the moment, you are the only motivation I have for getting up in the morning.
Ever since I laid my eyes on you, you've enchanted me. Sounds cheesy, yeah, but it's true.
I don't really know how to explain it. All my life, my biggest problem has been to sort out the things that I want. Really, I just don't know what I want in my life. And when from time to time, something or someone appears in my life that I'm sure I want, I find it magnetic. And that's how I feel when I look at you. Like I am a magnet being pulled towards you. I may know nothing about you, not even your name, but I do know that there is something special about you, about us. Maybe it's just all in my head and in real life, we wouldn't get on but for now, fantasies and hopes are all I've got.

Alright, enough of this.
Sonja is coming over soon and if she'll find out what I am doing, hell will break loose. She may be understanding and sensitive, but at the same time she can be such a possessive and jealous person.
I don't even know if I have ever loved her in the first place. Sure, she's beautiful, smart and caring. But she's not a certain baseball cap wearing second year student, with curly blonde hair, hazel eyes and the most amazing smile anyone can imagine.

She's not you.

All I want is to find out your name. At least your name, so that I have someone to address my letters to. So that I can make up a cute ship name for the two of us.
Okay, it's confirmed, I'm officially insane. As if that wasn't pretty obvious already.
I just hope that I will see you again in the cafeteria tomorrow. That's all I want, seeing you. Taking in this masterpiece of gods creation with my ey- Shit Sonja's there, I'll write you tomorrow, if I'm lucky, I'll know your name then.

Goodbye,

Even."

"Babe?" Sonjas voice echoed through the small flat.

"Yeah, I'm here" Even answered, as he fold the letter multiple times and crumbled it under his pillow. He climbed down the stairs from his bunk bed.

Once he was on the ground, the door flew open and his girlfriend walked through. She looked around his room, carefully examining it, to see if there was something suspicious.
Even hated how she always acted like a worried mother. Seeming satisfied because everything was on the right place, Sonja turned her face to Even.

"Everything alright?" she asked as she walked closer to him and pecked his lips quickly.
"Yes, everything's great." he said, sounding a little bit too euphoric.
Sonja looked him deep in the eyes. It was that x-ray look, she always used when she knew something was up.

"What do you want to do?" she asked after a while.
"I don't know, watch a movie?" Even answered, shrugging his shoulders.
"Okay." Sonja smiled and the two of them climbed up the ladder to his bed. Even carefully laid his head on the pillow and hoped that the latter wouldn't make a noise.
Suddenly, throughout the movie, Even caught Sonja staring at him. He turned to her and raised his eyebrows.

"Do I have something on my face?" he asked and Sonja laughed.

"No, it's just..you are so damn beautiful."

Even gulped. "Uhm..thanks?" he answered awkwardly as Sonja got closer. She pressed her lips against his and Even really wanted to feel something else than wetness and her tongue, but he didn't. No matter how hard he tried to, he just couldn't feel something. Sonja suddenly pulled away.

"Something wrong?" she asked and furrowed her eyebrows. Oh no, Even thought as he tried to come up with an answer that wouldn't make her suspicious. Sonja must have noticed how his mind was working because she spoke again.

"Are you feeling down again? Is it happening again?" Even looked at her. Her eyes were full of sorrow. He felt so bad for making her worry.

"No, I, it's just, I'm a little bit tired." he stuttered. Sonja didn't seem satisfied but remained silent throughout the rest of the movie.

When she left, Even shut the door behind her and took a deep breath.
For how long could he keep this performance up for? How long before she would notice? He could always blame his behavior on his illness, but at some point, that wouldn't work either.

As Even lay in his bed, he read the letter to the stranger he wrote earlier, once again.
His mind was in a state of pure chaos.
He felt guilt, because of Sonja. He felt confused, alone, sad.
But worst of all, he felt those damned butterflies because of him.