Letters To A Stranger

When a heart breaks, no it don't break even

Even hastily fished a bag of tissues out of his bag and began to wipe away the teardrops on his cheeks.
His thoughts were all over the place, the image of the horrified expression on Isak's face still present in the back of his mind.
Although Even understood Isak's fears, he couldn't help but feel hurt at the thought that his boyfriend was ashamed of him and their relationship.
It hurt to think that Isak's fears about the opinion of others still outweighed his feelings for Even.

But nevertheless, there was nothing he could do about it. Not anymore.
In the split second that Even had lost control over his feelings and said things that he now regretted deeply, he had lost his chance to gently and carefully convince Isak that it would be best for him to just come out.

Maybe his boyfriend now even thought that Even might break up with him if Isak didn't come out. The last thing Even had wanted was to pressure him, but one thing lead to another and now Even was standing here, in an empty classroom, with a hole in his heart and pangs of conscience haunting him.

The thought of German class ahead of Even didn't make it better, no, the idea of seeing Isak and not being able to speak to him only made him just feel worse.
Maybe he could just block German, then he wouldn't have to see Isak and Amalie and Silas wouldn't bother him as well.
But no, Even had never been the kind of person who ran away from their problems, it didn't solve them.

So, after the bell had rang through the school building, Even used one last tissue to clear his nose and tried to ban the thoughts about Isak in the back of his mind. He swung his bag over his shoulder and pushed the door open.
When he stepped out into the hallway, someone crashed into him.

"Ouh, watch where you're going!" shouted an annoyed sounding Sana as she fixed her hijab.
"Oh, it's you, Even." she continued as her eyes fell on Even's face and the angry expression on hers softened.
"Are you okay?" she asked as she examined Even's appearance, shooting him a slightly worried look.
Even just nodded shortly and tried to walk past her, but she grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and stopped him.

"Have your puffy red eyes anything to do with an horrified looking Isak, storming by around five minutes ago?" she asked quietly, one eyebrow raised.
"Sana, please..." Even whispered, hoping she'd hear his silent plea that he didn't want to talk about it.

The girl examined him once again, the expression in her eyes still filled with worry. "Alright." she finally said, sounding defeated.
"You know you can talk to me though, right?" she whispered back and put her hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner. The warmth in her voice almost caused Even to smile.
"Thank you Sana, I appreciate it. But right now I just can't talk about it. I just need to be alone."
Sana nodded understandingly and let go of his sleeve.
"I'll see ya around." Even mumbled as a goodbye and sent her a light smile, then he turned around to continue his way to the classroom.
The knowledge that Sana would be there for him if he ever needed someone to talk to was comforting and he felt slightly better.

As Even entered the room, his eyes immediately searched for Isak.
He saw Chris and Eva, Sara and Adam as well as David and Vilde.
But neither Isak nor Amalie were anywhere to be seen.
At the sight of an overly motivated looking Silas waving at him from across the room, Even started to feel even more uneasy.

"There you are." Silas greeted him as Even reached their table.
"Here I am." Even responded dryly.
He wondered why Isak wasn't here. Maybe he was still talking to Amalie.
"Soo, have you made a decision about the topic yet?" Silas asked and gestured with his pen at the list he made a day ago.
"Huh?" Even asked, still lost in thoughts. "Uh, yes." he responded after he realized what the younger boy had asked.

Suddenly, an idea came to Even's mind. Maybe, if he could show Isak that the reaction to him being gay wouldn't be that bad, maybe, if he showed him that there was nothing to be afraid of, maybe then he could convince him to come out.
Maybe if he did a gay 'love' scene with Silas, without any serious kisses of course, and the class would react positively, maybe then Isak would realize that his fears were unfounded.