No Longer A Game - Sidemen FF

Chapter 10

Vikkstar123
I wake up in the middle of the night with a jerk, tears I had shed in my sleep still fresh on my face.

You didn't really think you'd escape did you?

I look at Mitch to see if I woke him, but he keeps slumbering on. I stifle a sob, covering my mouth and sitting up.

I slip out from under the blanket and pad soundlessly across the room. I walk into the wardrobe and close the door behind me. I activate the secret tunnel and seal it behind me.

"Do you ever just get tired of living?" I'd asked Ali.

If I have to live the rest of my life with nightmares every night about Gudjondaniel, I don't know what I'll do.

I collapse in my corner of the room, behind a desk, and just put my face in my hands. I let a single sob escape me.

Weak little Vikk.

I whisper the words aloud, finally accepting them. After weeks, I can remember every word. Any of the other Sidemen would have gotten over this by now. I'm just weaker than them. I always was, always will be.

Poor little Vikk.

My voice sounds awful to my own ears.

Why are you even in the Sidemen?

I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I rest my head on them, staring down at my lap. Tears fall freely from my eyes.

Nobody really likes you.

"No," I whisper to myself, hugging myself tighter.

You're the seventh wheel.

It was so much easier talking to Ali about this stuff. When I'm by myself . . . who am I kidding? I'm always by myself.

You're worthless.

But now, the pain hits me straight on. Ali was lying to me.

The Sidemen don't want you.

The Sidemen don't want me. They'd prefer it if I left. Everyone would. That's why I'm up here, and them down there.

The Pack only took you in out of pity.

Gudjon's words really hit their mark with me, because they were my own fears. My own suspicions. They struck a nerve. All I needed was for someone to confirm what I was thinking privately.

They wanted to kick you out of the Sidemen. JJ told me.

It's strange how much is clearer when you see things from an outside point of view. I can see the difference between the Sidemen and I. Those idiots always making insulting jokes and talking about their penis size.

Those idiots are some of my closest friends. And yet, they aren't.

You're worthless.

But what does it matter? As far as the Sidemen and Pack are concerned, I'm getting better rapidly. I've switched around who I sleep next to, and no one notices my nightmares. The word carved on my arm is healing. I can stand up without doubling over in pain. I'm doing fine.

I sob quietly.

Completely useless.

An arm wraps around me and I jerk away in shock. Lachlan smiles sadly at me and pulls me into a hug.

Lachlan.

No, no, no, I think desperately. He can't see me like this. I'm doing fine.