No Longer A Game - Sidemen FF

Chapter 27

miniminter
It's hard to watch your friend break down everyday.

Despite what he says, Vikk isn't getting better. He isn't fine. He still has nightmares. He still gets little sleep. I still have to remind him to eat and drink. He still cuts.

My heart breaks, watching him fall apart.

He used to be the most energetic annoying little prick in the world. Now he's just exhausted. His eyes are empty, no spark of happiness. He just looks so dead inside.

The worst thing is that I don't even understand.

He's over his sister's death. He's over Gudjondaniel. I guess some problems are just your own inner demons.

I'm trying. Really hard.

I check his thighs every night for some improvement. But there never is one. He just keeps adding to his collection of cuts.

He gave me one of his blades, but I guess he has more.

I force him to eat and drink. When he doesn't come down to the kitchen, I bring food to him. He rarely finishes it all, but picks at it until about half is gone.

I make him sleep too. He only makes it a few hours before I hear cries from his room and I rush to wake him, waiting until he's alright again before leaving.

He can never remember what his nightmares are about. They're not Gudjondaniel anymore. But they leave him exhausted. They leave him with hollow eyes and tired words. They destroy him.

I'm so goddamn terrified.

I'm terrified that one day I'll go into his room to find him lying unconscious in a puddle of his own blood. That one day I'll go to wake him, only to find that he's downed a bottle of pills and never will wake. That one day he'll disappear, and we'll find his body at the bottom of a four storey building.

I'm terrified. I'm dealing with things I've never had to deal with before, and I don't want to mess up. I'm trying, so damn hard.

I've started sitting in on his recordings too. Sometimes he has to use face cam. I've become very good at distinguishing between his fake and real smiles.

His real smiles only really come out when he's talking with the Pack. I've noticed it. I can't obviously watch when I'm recording with him and the rest of the Sidemen. But now's no time for jealousy. Instead, Josh and I have used that information to our advantage.

We invited the Pack to Britain. They're coming today.

"How much longer?" I ask Josh lowly.

"Lachlan said he'd text me as soon as he gets off the plane," Josh replies. "Once you take in customs and Preston's flight, it should leave me enough time."

Rob, Jerome and Mitch have already landed. They're waiting with each other for the other two to join them.

"Right." I nod. "It's just-" I cut myself off abruptly as Vikk trudges into the kitchen.

"Hey." I smile at Vikk.

"There should be a couple of pizza slices in the fridge," Josh says. "JJ was kind enough to leave with with his unfinished pizza."

The only reason JJ ordered a pizza was because he knew Vikk hadn't eaten much other than cereal lately. Even JJ, the thickest guy you'll ever meet, is trying to help Vikk in his own way.

Vikk musters up a fake smile and I frown.

There's three quarters of a pizza in the box. Vikk takes a significantly smaller piece and ignores my disapproving gaze.