No Longer A Game - Sidemen FF

Chapter 26

Vikkstar123
"I hate this," Lachlan announces in the middle of one of our Pack discussions about videos to record.

I look up tiredly at the Skype call. Lachlan is frowning. It's 10:34 AM. This is normally when I'm sleeping. They all know this, but failed to convince to go and sleep.

I'm slipping again.

"What?" Mitch asks for us.

"We're just falling back into our old habits like the game never happened," Lachlan says stubbornly. "We're just going through the same cycle again, as if nothing important in the game happened."

I don't know what he's talking about, but I look back to my editing, not having the energy to ask. It's not like it involves me.

"Vikk!" Lachlan says, making me look up. "I'm talking about you."

"What?" I sigh, rubbing at my eyes.

"We're falling back into our old habits," Lachlan says, his eyes boring insistently into me. "We're watching the Sidemen slowly break you again, and we're going to have to pick up the pieces again."

"Oh," I whisper, understanding. "I'm sorry, Lachlan. I didn't mean to be a burden."

Lachlan shakes his head. "Vikk, you're not a burden! But you'd think after the game, after everything they learnt about you, they'd actually change a bit."

I shrug, too exhausted to speak. I look back to my editing footage hollowly.

A notification comes up on my phone and I glance tiredly at it. "I've gotta go," I say lowly. "I've got a Cards video with the Sidemen."

"This is just ridiculous," Lachlan says before quitting the call.

I take a deep breath. "Please someone tell him I'm sorry."

"Vikk, what are you sorry for?" Preston asks, but I've already quit the call.

I join the Skype call with the Sidemen that I'm invited to and they greet me. Despite my exhaustion, my mask fits on well and a smile paints my face.

"We're just waiting on Ethan," Simon informs me.

Things between us haven't been the best. His insults in videos have returned with a vengeance. I can tell he still resents me for keeping secrets, but he keeps it quiet. It looks like we're doing fine.

Ethan joins and we start.

The time passing doesn't really affect me. I don't notice it. I'm too exhausted.

"The worst Sidemen is," Josh reads.

"That fucking worthless Indian prick that turns up in the Sidemen videos," Josh says, laughing with everyone else.

I don't hear the rest of the cards.

Worthless.

A common misconception could be that Gudjon was the one putting those words on my head. They were already there and they appeared often. Gudjon was just the one to bring them to the surface. Even now that we've resolved everything, that doesn't mean I'm free from my own demons.

The bad cards jump out at me in this session.

As soon as the video is over, I quit the call.

Worthless.

It's like there's a ball of darkness in my chest. I can feel it whenever I move or speak.

And there's something frozen in my throat too. A scream. I just need to let everything out. But I can't. And I feel it every time I open my mouth.