S-I-N, I, S-I-N || Priest!Gerard

Chapter 23: You Thought My Life Was Screwed? You Haven't Seen Anything Yet

I'd be lying if I said I expected to wake up in a bed with Father Way fast asleep next to me. The last thing I remember was falling asleep rather awkwardly on the couch and trying to make sense of the text message I'd read on his phone, the one admitting he loved me. I still didn't know how to react or if I even wanted to tell him I knew. It seemed easier to just pretend I didn't know anything and play stupid but from experience I'd learnt he was very, very good at figuring things out so it'll probably be a huge waste of time.

At least I didn't have to confront him about it because by the looks of things he's carried me into his room which meant he kinda won after all this time. He'd try so hard to get me to sleep in his bed after our time together and I'd always refuse and here you go, I was in his bed, previously asleep with him next to me, still asleep. If he was awake he'd be so damn smug.

Careful as not to wake him I lifted the sheets I was under, slid out of the bed and snuck out of the room, trying to remain quiet when I was usually a very loud person. The only time in my life where I've had to sneak around is escaping from my room at home and going to a party or a concert, out of other peoples bedrooms is a definite first.

I wonder if this is going to become a regularity, waking up in the morning next to him then having to sneak out again. My life is running away from me and I'm left to chase desperately after it while knowing I'll never be able to catch up, it's a scary thing. Like being on a ride that goes upside down and getting that feeling where your stomach seems like it's jumped to your throat and everything's kinda fuzzy and you can't tell if you need to throw up or sit down.
That my friends is what it's like to realise your life is out of your own control.

Gerard's responsible for this, him and no one else. He should have been smart enough to know what we've been doing is nothing more than a fling yet he's the one who has to get a whole bunch of emotions involved. Crap, I should have seen this coming, I should have known something would come along and fuck up this perfect little plan we had going on. Of course I thought it'd be us getting busted, not him suddenly falling in love.

What in the world could make him think I'm a suitable person to fall in love with. I'm irresponsible, reckless, immature, sarcastic, bitchy and completely refuse to listen to anyone but myself at the end of the day. He's grown up with a career, a place to live and he's got a car, not to mention he's a heck lot older than me and the one who wants us to be in a relationship.

Alright, I do have to admit though, the pregnancy thing...I'm kinda responsible for that. It should have occurred to me to use a condom the first time, and the second and the time after that but he's the one who has to wear it so he's partially to blame. But at the end of the day it's no ones fault because I'm going to have this baby and I don't want him or her to end up thinking they were a mistake or an accident. If I'm meant to have a kid then I'm meant to have a kid and I have to accept that while I've got the time.

Nine months, I have nine months to sort my life out in time for this baby. So by september I need to have everything in order because I know my parents aren't going to ever approve of me being pregnant at seventeen. I'll get myself a place to stay, a job and whatever baby gear I'll need. I guess a crib will be at the top of the list, high chair. Never in my life did I think I'd have to go over the things I'd need for a baby, especially my own. This is going to be a lot harder than they make it look on tv, at least those girls have parents who want to help a little bit.
I've got nobody, except Gerard.

He's gonna be there for me, he said so. He said we'd find a way out of this together but I don't see how he'll be able to help. It's not gonna be easier for me to get a job or find somewhere to live, nothing he can do will be able to make a difference. I don't know how this is gonna work, how he'll be able to help. He's got a job he has to do everyday, paperwork to fill out, meetings to go to. He's in the grown up world and I'm a kid, nine months from now I'll still be a kid and I can't change that.