I was at home in Bath and Alfie was in Brighton and I missed him. We had been getting in a lot more fights recently, but I still loved him to pieces, and I really did miss him. So I was quite excited when Alfie called me to talk to me about Christmas details. I was not excited when the conversation turned from normal and calm to a heated debate, edging on a fight.
I really needed to know what Alfie wanted to do for Christmas and he kept telling me that we could do whatever I wanted, but I hated that so incredibly much. When I asked a person what they wanted I intended them to tell me, not tell me to make the decision. It was just one of my pet peeves and I knew that Alfie was aware of this, so why was he doing this to me?
My voice started to raise as we got more into the conversation and I started to freak out a little. I tried to remember a time when I had ever raised my voice at Alfie and I could not think of anything. Nothing. Nothing like this had ever happened to us before, and frankly I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't even think I could handle it at all.
The "fight" of sorts ended with me saying, "Fine." Alfie had just told me that maybe we shouldn't spend Christmas together and it broke my heart. I loved Alfie. Of course I wanted to spend Christmas with him. I wanted to be with him always, but now I couldn't. I had wrecked everything.
I set my phone down on my bed and just stared at it. During the fight I had felt like it was Alfie's fault but now that I had time to think things over it was kind of my fault. I was the one who was urging Alfie to tell me his plans for Christmas, and he really just didn't know what to say.
I sighed and leaned back on my bed looking up at the ceiling. To get my mind off of the fight I tried to think of a happier time with Alfie and my mind immeadiately went back to when we went to the Isle of Wight with Joe and my dad.
We went in August and we went to Black Gang Chine, which was probably one of my most favourite places to go when I was a child, and even know. It was the weirdest, yet coolest, amusement park ever. It was so weird and I loved it.
That day had started out terribly with me and my mum getting in a bit of a fight. She had asked me if I wanted to come over to hers and spend the day with her but I told her I was going to the Isle of Wight with Joe and my dad. At this point Alfie hadn't been invited yet.
My mum was angry because I hadn't seen her in ages and I did feel bad, but I couldn't just ditch my dad either. We worked it out in the end but it made me really stressed at the beginning of the day.
After I had hung up with her and our stressful phone call I called Alfie straight away to try and see if he would console with me. Luckily he answered the phone right away and we had a long conversation about it. I felt so much better afterwards.
I asked him if he wanted to come with us and of course he said yes. So many kisses where shared that day and it was just so much fun. All three of us vlogged and it was a great day.
After the memory faded I was still smiling. Alfie and I got in fights, but we would always have those great memories to look back on, even if we didn't last. I knew we would though. We would last for a long time. A very long time.
xxx
