Secretly Loving You- Justin Bieber

Chapter Eleven

Justin's P.O.V
I sat in the living room, waiting for everyone to wake up. I had a lot of time to think over night. I now realise how horrible it was of me to just to that to Tuka. I realise why she was so broken about it. I haven't changed my feelings though, I'm seeing what Selena says, seeing what she has to say for herself. But in the mean time, I'm going to try and create some peace between me and Tuka. I heard the screams again, her cries rang through the whole house. Followed by Za's calls for help. I rushed off the sofa, running upstairs towards Tuka's room. Za was sat by the door, banging and kicking against it. I tried the handle, realizing it was locked before helping Za. I pushed my weight against the door, trying to get it to budge while she screamed inside. She wasn't screaming for Za, she was screaming for me. "Justin make it go away!" She screamed, something smashing on the inside. My heart was racing, as my body started to shake and break down. I turned sideways, pushing myself against the door once more, before my body collapsed against it. She was still crying, still screaming. Za rushed back downstairs, calling someone quickly. "Justin please! I can't do this any more!" She screamed, making me heart sink. My head was spinning as everything became a blur. "Justin!" She screamed one last time, something hitting the door. I turned my head around, seeing Scooter and Tuka's dad Paul pushing against the door. It flung open, making me stumble inside as I looked up. Za grabbed Tuka from the corner of her room, laying her on the bed despite her protests. She fought against Za, falling into her fathers arms as she cried, her body coming back to her. She looked around, tears still streaming down her face as she snapped back to reality. She saw the mess on the floor, that she made. One of the mirrors was smashed, her hand bleeding. "I-I'm sorry I-Ill C-Clean it U-Up.." She stuttered at Za, running her fingers through her hair. I could see the pain in his eyes, how much it hurt him to see her like this. I knew this was rock bottom for Tuka, she hasn't been this deep before. "Justin I hope you know what you're doing.." Paul hissed, stroking his daughters hair as she calmed herself down. She removed her head from his chest, placing her fingers over his lips as if to shush him. She looked over at me, and I saw how much it took her to even face me. How much pain she was in just by looking into her eyes. She smiled weakly, sniffling slightly before opening her mouth to speak. "You can't help who you fall for.. I just hope you figure out who you want in the end.." She whispered, surprising everyone in the room. I smiled a little, walking over to her slowly. I ran my fingers through her hair, seeing a sparkle come back in her eye. "I promised not to hurt you.. But I did, and I can't forgive myself for that. But I can promise you this is the last time I will mess you around. Whatever happens after this, happens for a reason. Whether it be you, or Selena. But I promise, you'll be the first to know.." I whispered, watching her nod in agreement. I looked over to Za, who gave me a nod meaning he knew it was the right thing to do. Maybe it sounded stupid right now, but I know either way someone will get hurt. I looked up at Paul, who gave the same nod along with a smile. "I know you don't mean to hurt her.. You're a good kid.." He patted my back, lifting Tuka off of him before making his way out the door. I just hope nothing goes wrong.

Tuka's P.O.V
I stayed silent for a while, watching everything go past. Even though I've basically forgiven Justin, it still hurts. Ever since he told me, I haven't been myself. I'd wake up screaming not knowing why I was screaming, why I was in so much pain. I'd feel like I can't breathe, like someone's stabbing me in the chest. Depending on who I see, that's who I call. It happened with Mark too, just not as serious. I don't think I've ever even felt like this before. I looked out the window, seeing Scooter and Fredo walk up to the door. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair as I looked over at the mirror. The girl staring back at me, it wasn't me. I wasn't myself. I haven't been myself for a while now. She was so small, her eyes were dead. She was trembling, she was tried. Why did I do this to myself? Why did I hurt myself so much? I looked down at my arms, scars covered by bracelets. I tied my hair up in a messy bum, grabbing some foundation before applying it to my face, trying my best to cover up the dark circles that surrounded my eyes. I chucked on a baggy jumper, before hopping down the stairs. Laughs and jokes were heard throughout the hallways as I made my way into the living room. Seeing everyone sat around smiling and talking. But it soon stopped the second I walked in, making me feel uncomfortable. "Don't mind me.." I joked, awkwardly sitting on the sofa beside Za, who kissed my temple softly. "So as I was saying, we have about a month on tour before Justin's break starts, so we're thinking we make the next month the biggest shows seen on Earth.." Scooter explained, showing us what he wanted, what I'd have to do. Not that I was paying attention. Just the thought of being back on tour made me stomach turn. "Obviously Tuka you'd have about a week to get back into shape.." Scooter's voice brought me back out of my thoughts. Everyone stared at me, as if they were waiting for me to reply. Fredo sent me a sympathetic look, motioning me to follow him outside. I was hesitant at first, wondering whether it would be a good idea or not, but because things can't get any worse, I decided it was probably best to just talk to him. What's the worst that could happen? We sat outside the back door, waiting for a while before either one of us spoke. "I'm sorry.." Fredo whispered, running his hands over his face as he spoke. "Forgive me?" He mumbled, turning to face me for the first time since we've been out here. All I could do was nod, I couldn't speak. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. "Let me help you get back into shape before tour.." He suggested, lifting my head up with his finger. For once in the past few days, I feel a little better, a tiny bit more alive. I know its only small, but I tried to hang onto it for as long as I could. "We'll start by eating fatty foods, going to the gym and getting a good nights sleep." He warned playfully, poking my nose softly. "Thanks.. I need a friend right now.." I mumbled, thinking back to everything that had happened the past few days. Things just happened so fast, maybe a little too fast for my liking. Fredo nodded slightly, squeezing my hand softly. "I'm your best mate, ill sort you out.." He winked, causing me to blush slightly. For some reason, Fredo always knew how to make me feel better. Maybe he wasn't here at the time, but he is here now. "Gym session?" I smirked, punching his arm playfully before running towards Justin's personal Gym. We ran through the living room, bumping into everyone. "Where are you going?" Justin asked, raising his eye brows slightly. I looked at Za who has the same expression. Both of them curious as to why I was up and around, running around and laughing. "We're going to the gym, wanna come?" Fredo offered, but soon regretted it when he saw the look on my face. I can't have Justin around me, not right now. Things will be hard while we're on tour, because we have so many things that we do together. --------------------------

"So, you feeling better?" Fredo huffed, sitting beside me on the bench. I nodded, taking a sip of my water as sweat dripped from my forehead. I took a moment to think about everything, about what actually happened and how I feel. It hurts, seeing Justin, feeling this way towards him knowing he doesn't love me back. I guess you could say I secretly love him. But what hurts even more is the fact that the day before he decided he still loved Selena, he told me that he loved me. He took me out on a date, made me feel special. Then it all came crumbling down, when he said he loved her. I don't think I've ever felt so much hate towards someone, so much pain. I remember feeling my insides get crushed together as I stumbled back into that corner. The way my body violently shook with fear. I'm scared. I may not seem like it now but, I am. I'm scared this is it for me, that I won't be able to get back up. I'm so stuck on loving Justin, that I can't let go. Not even if there was a slight chance I could be happy again, with someone else. I'd say no. Why? I don't think I can love anyone else. I don't think Ill need anyone else. But right now, I just need to focus on fixing myself. For good.

This chapter wasn't as good as I wanted it to be:3 I'm sorrryy