The Fear Of Falling Apart

-7-

Trigger warning: homophobia, genderfluid phobia, mentions of suicide

Fin's POV

"Fin Wentz?"

I look up slowly to see a male nurse with a clipboard. "Is there a Fin Wentz here?"

"Yeah." My voice is cracked an dry. I get to my feet and he gives me a nod. He leads me down the hallway, briefly explaining Pete's condition.
"He's stable, and he will live. But he'll have to stay here for three weeks for observation, and if he doesn't improve he'll be put in a mental institution until he's right again."
I just nod numbly and don't let the words sink in. I can't break down again.

The nurse leaves after that and I'm left staring at the door handle. It takes a while to actually pluck up the courage to open it, but eventually I do.

I walk into the room, feeling the relief washing over me as I see him. And at that moment, none of it mattered anymore. I walked over to him and almost collapsed on him in a hug.

"Fin." Pete smiled weakly.

"Dad." I choke into his shoulder, letting the tears fall.
I was so fucking scared.

I pull back and sit on the edge of the bed. "I thought you died." I tell him, wiping my tears away.

He shook his head, biting his lip. "I regretted it as soon as I did it. Fin I'm so sorry. I can't believe I almost left you all alone." He started to cry after that.

"Hey," I tell him gently, "it's okay. We're okay. And we'll make this better. You and me, we're survivors, Pete. And we'll make it through."

---

Patrick cried the most when he walked in. "You fucker." He laughed through his tears as he wrapped his arms around Pete tightly. Pete hugged him back, and they exchanged some words.

Soon enough everyone was in the small hospital room, much to the displeasure of most of the hospital staff. I leant back on the bed beside Pete, who put his arm around me. Everyone avoided the obvious topic, and instead laughed about our precious memories and inside jokes. I think Pete and I were both unbelievably thankful for that.

"So Brendon, I hear you've got a new girlfriend?" Gerard asks. I watch Tanith, Dallon, Spencer and Kenny subtly roll their eyes. Brendon doesn't seem to notice them, and goes on to tell Gerard how great Jenny is. I havn't met her yet, but I know how bad she is to Tanith.

Time goes on, and we talk more and more. I wish it could all last forever. I like being so around everyone and everything being slightly okay. I know that Pete's not okay, but with the right help, maybe he can get better.

"Visiting bourse are over." The male nurse from before informs me. I said goodbye to Pete and walked out with Patrick. "You can stay with me until Pete's better." He offers with a small smile. I nod and thank him.

Maybe it would all be okay after all.

---

Time has passed since Pete's attempt, and it's been the weirdest two weeks since tour.
Days went slowly, but the weeks passed quickly. And maybe that was for the best. I visited Pete every day I could. School became harder and harder, and I could tell Tanith wasn't okay with the thought of the approaching court trial.

Sometimes I have good days, but more often then not they were bad. I'd go to school and wish I could go back to last year, back to touring the country with my family. But when I see Pete and see how happy he is just to see my face, I'm happy where I am.
I've been struggling with gender more and more, and it's seriously getting to me now. I've called Tyler so much that he now texts me three times a day to reassure me that I'm okay and that he's happy to come and talk to me.

Honestly life is jut pretty shitty right now.

And that bitch Taya's been getting to me more and more. She's attacked me verbally every way she possibly could, and each word hurts me more and more. But today was the day she finally crossed the line.

Tanith and I were once again in the hallway, avoiding people as usual. But of course the person we wanted to avoid the most showed up.

"Aren't you two f*ggots tired of living yet?" She asked as she appoached us. I remove my head from Tanith's shoulder.

"Taya, if we were in a relationship then today it would be a completely heterosexual relationship, as Fin is a boy." Tanith replied in a bored tone. "But we are not in a relationship, so are considered 'friends'." She said, emphasising the last word.

Taya rolled her eyes again. "Fin is a girl. She has female parts so she is female."

Her words really hurt me, but I try not to show it. Tanith defends me, but it doesn't make me feel better.
"Small minded idiots like you end up very miserable people, Taya. Fin is a boy today, and he may be a girl tomorrow, or maybe he'll be somewhere inbetween. But honestly it's none of your fucking business what he is, so why don't you just move along like a good little girl."

Taya scoffed at her. "Go kill yourself, f*g."
Just the thought of loosing Tanith made me tear up. I almost lost Pete. I couldn't loose her, ever. I need her. Oh my god, what if she actually tried to commit suicide?

The thoughts coursing through my head are enough to send the tears over the edge and down my cheeks.
But of course, Taya just laughed.
"Poor little Fin. Afraid of loosing someone so meaningless? She really should kill herself, just to hurt you-"

Then I was on my feet. "My dad tried to fucking kill himself two weeks ago." I scream. I know my face is red, and I probably look like an idiot, but I'm in so much pain. Every single word hurts me.

"Tried? Shame he didn't succeed." Taya said, scrunching up her nose. "There's too many emo f*gs in the world."

It was Tanith who lost it and lashed out. A single punch sent her to the floor.
"Fuck you." She spat. "Fin doesn't deserve a single fucking word your saying right now you arrogant peice of shit! You think suicide is a joke?!"

I was sobbing when the teachers showed up and Pulled Tanith away from Taya. They tried to pull me in a different direction, and I had a panic attack on the spot. "I n-eed to be w-with her." I choked. I needed to make sure she didn't do anything stupid. I can't loose her.
The teachers didn't argue, and I was aloud to go with her to the sickbay.

----

"Suspended." The principal said. For a minute I thought that Frank was gonna yell at me and Tan, but he just rolls his eyes.

"Okay." Frank drawls. "Can we go now?"

I'm sorry this chapter jumps around so much.

I don't really have much to say so,,,

Potatoes.