The Fear Of Falling Apart

-40-

This is the last official chapter of the book, guys. There will be an epilogue and then the short stories book, but that's it. Thanks for being my frens <3

Tanith's POV

"Hey, Tan, there's someone here for you." Ryan calls from somewhere else in his house.

I slowly sit up on my bed, tucking my hair into my hoodie before getting to my feet and walking numbly into the living room. There on the couch sits Ashlee, right beside Ryan.

"Go away." I mumble. "Please, just leave me alone." I turn and retreat back to my room, closing the door softly behind me. I hear Ryan apologizing for me, but do nothing to drown it out.

I sit on my bed and take my phone from the nightstand, switching it on carefully.

Gerard: That letter was beautiful, Tan. Fin would've loved it.

I put it face down on my bed and try stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. I regain my composure for a moment, and build up the strength to message my old friend back.

Tanith: Thanks Gerard. I miss you already.

I feel the tears begin to fall as I lose any composure I had regained.

It lasted for days. I don't know why Ashlee kept coming back. Most people would have given up, but she kept going. I owed her an explanation, I know I did, but it was just so hard to be around anyone.

Ryan looked after me well, checking on me constantly and always offering to take me out for some fresh air or a change of scenery. I did my best not to block him out too, but it was hard.

Some days I'd look at peoples messages on the internet, and some days I'd just cry. It felt like it would never get better.

---

"Hey Tan, you okay?"

I glance up and smile absentmindedly. "Yeah, I'm good."

He smiles a half smile and offers me a hand to get up. I take it and he pulls me to my feet. We begin to walk, and he makes light conversation. "Last nights show was so insane. I think Planetary was the best, though."

"Yeah, the energy really carried." I agree.

We fall into a comfortable silence and head out of the corridor and into the street. We keep walking at a leisurely pace, eventually ending up at a park.

"Hey, what've we got on tomorrow?" I ask as we sit at the swing set.

"Um, I think Jess said there's an interview and then just a bus day." He shrugs.

"Thanks Fin." I smile, squinting my eyes in the sun. I'm on tour with My Chemical Romance and my best friend. Panic's working hard on the next album, Pete's doing fine and Brendon has Sarah. Life is back on track.

Wait.

No, it's not.

I look across to Fin, my eyes becoming teary once more as I remember what happened. "Your not real, are you?"

He keeps my glance, but shakes his head. "No."

"Y-you're gone, Fin. You're dead." I stutter.

He nods his head. "Yeah, Tan. I know."

"Why are you here?" I beg, everything hurting so much all at once.

"You needed me." He whispers, eyes teary and regretful. "You're a total wreck, Tan. I can't just watch you suffer."

"Come back." I demand. "Fin come back to me. Please. I can't do this alone."

He looks so hurt when he answers. "I-I can't."