The Fear Of Falling Apart

-39-

How do you start a letter?

I don't think I've ever actually written one, which is quiet pathetic if you think about it. I've always just texted or tweeted, and my messages are delivered instantly. I'm still not sure how to start something like this, but I guess I've started it now.

It brings me great sadness to be ending this, and even more to tell you this way. Last night I met with Mikey, Gerard, Ray and Frank, and we made the difficult decision to end My Chemical Romance.

There are many reasons why we're ending it, but I'm guessing you already know the most prominent one. Yes, the split had something to do with Fin. If you want to blame it on me, I will accept it with open arms. In a way, it is my fault.

We're all overcome with sadness right now, and everything we write ends up bitter and hateful. Gerard said that he never wanted MCR5 to sound like that, and we all agreed on the matter.

Many people have been asking me about Fin, what happened and how it all came about. I don't want to tell that story - not yet, anyway, but I will tell you this; that bullet was meant for me. I hate myself every day because Fin took it instead.

It's been three weeks since I've seen his face, and every day hurts just as much as the last. But this isn't the end, not for me. I refuse to leave, I refuse to give up and walk away. MCR is gone, but we are not. Frank, Mikey, Gerard, Ray and I are still close friends; family even. But the band has run its course, and now it's time to let it go.

I won't tell you that everything's okay right now, because it's not. I'm not going to pretend that everything's going to continue as it always did, because it won't. But as it stands, we're alright.

I'm sure Gerard's going to write something deep and meaningful about the breakup, and I don't want to steal his thunder but please, please remember this.

Goodbyes are hard, and I don't wanna leave you guys. I don't know where I'm going anymore, but I know that I'll need you to keep going. My Chemical Romance saved lives, and it will continue to do so, I promise you that. Maybe one day we'll write something else together, but I make no promise or grantee of such events ever occurring. But until something happens, I need you to keep each other alive. If you see someone struggling, reach out and tell them that they're not alone.

Do it for me and Gerard and Mikey and Frank and Ray and Fin. Nobody deserves to go through that. Stay alive, for me.

Keep running, my beautiful killjoys.

Xx -Tan