The Fear Of Falling Apart

-38-

Tanith's POV

I sit on my suitcase out the front of my house, tapping out the last few paragraphs of my letter. The car will be here soon, and I should get it online as soon as possible. I owe it to the fans, to anyone who ever listened.

"Hey, Tan." Brendon said, smiling sadly as he sits on the pavement beside me.

"Hey." I sigh, glancing over at him.

It's good to stay busy. If I'm focusing on something I'm not thinking, and thinking seems to bring me to tears a lot more then it used to.

"You okay?" He asks, squinting his eyes in the sun.

"Not really." I turn off my phone and turn over to look at my dad.

"You don't have to be." He tells me gently, putting a hand on my knee. "Things are gonna get better from here. They have to get better from here."

"How can things get any worse?" I ask, my voice mellow and numb.

We sit in a comfortable silence for a few more moments. "I was thinking we could put the Tour Song on the album, if you wanted to."

I think about it for a moment, and then I nod. "Yeah, I'd like that."

He smiles at me for a second, and then drops his eyes down to the concrete. 

"I love you, dad." I sigh, leaning onto him in a weird sort of hug.

He laughs quietly and hugs me back. "I love you too, Tan."

It's been three weeks since my best friend died. Three long, agonizing weeks. I've had more breakdowns then I can count, and eventually Brendon offered to let me stay somewhere else until I'm ready to come back.

I knew I had to talk to Gerard and Frank and Ray and Mikey before I left, so I did that last night. We sorted everything out, and now it's alright. I can leave and it will be okay.

"I'm sorry that I'm leaving you and Sarah with Lucas." I murmur. "I could stay and-"

"It's okay, Tan. It's good for you to take a break. It's gonna be okay." Brendon says gently. I don't bother responding. A dark blue car pulls up on the road beside us, and the driver winds down her window.

"Uber for Tanith Urie?" She asks with a kind smile.

"Yeah." I nod. "That's me." She smiles some more.

I get up and say goodbye to Brendon. It was nothing special, just a few more words. He told me that I could come home whenever I was ready, and I thanked him. Then I put my suitcase in the boot of the car, and climbed into the back seat with my backpack.

The car drove off, and I didn't watch as we moved further and further away from home.

"So, where are you headed from the airport?" The woman asks cheerfully.

"A friends place." I shrug. "I'm gonna go stay with him for a few weeks."

She nods in an understanding manor. "Call me crazy, but you don't look too great right now."

"A lot of shit's gone on recently." I sigh, glancing out the window.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asks innocently, glancing at me through the mirror.

I take a minute to compose myself. "My friend, uh, Pete - He's been in a mental institute for about a month and nobody told me. And I lost someone I really cared about and my band just broke up?" I almost question, not really thinking about the words coming out of my mouth. "And now two of my family friends are moving away and I just don't know anymore."